


The Gotham's Wayne

by therebaeka



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, DCU, Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics)
Genre: Bruce Wayne is a Good Dad, Crack, F/F, F/M, Gen, Hal Jordan knows no fear, M/M, News Media, POV Outsider, Social Media, Talia Al Ghul is a Good Mom, The batkids are just done with all these, batfamily, cameos from pre/post-crisis things, gothamites - Freeform, i insert some plot, such mystery mmmm, very small cameos, waynes are the kardashians
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-10
Updated: 2019-02-02
Packaged: 2019-03-03 04:04:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 20,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13333119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/therebaeka/pseuds/therebaeka
Summary: dukeofthomas[We all know who the real QUEEN of the Manor is]The Gothamites are very invested in the Waynes. Very very interested. A journey through the Gotham's favorite family: the Waynes through Social Media.





	1. #mysterywayne

**Author's Note:**

> In which we need to bring Jason back in Public because plot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Jason's alive and the public needs to know because plot

**dukeofthomas**

_[We all know who the real QUEEN of the Manor is]_

The video opened at a tall muscular man thigh choking Dick Grayson. There were yellings and the elusive Cass Cain-Wayne was in the frame and grabbing the man by the middle, she lifted him and dragged him away from Dick. There were laughters at the background and the frame followed her as she lifted the much larger man off the ground and not let go of him despite his protests.

\----

**Mary Morrison** _@marylittlelamb_

#biproblems is wanting to be wrapped in those legs but also wanting #casswayne to wrap her arms around me and lift me to the heavens.

 

**Louis** _@lookingstorm_

While we’re all appreciating queen cass & #mysterywayne can someone answer whether bruce wayne just adopted a new one again?

 

**Louis** _@lookingstorm_

I’m not really going to be surprised if so

\----

**dukeofthomas**

_[#mysterwayne sneakpeek]_

The mystery Wayne was shown from the side and he was reading a book. Then Duke says, ‘think fast’ before his hand was shown throwing a red ball. The mystery Wayne raised a hand and caught the ball. Then another ball was thrown and it hit him at the side of his head. He glared and stood. The video shook and Duke was running out of the room.

**\----**

**Jonah Blue** _@blueblood_

#mysterywayne surprisingly turns us on. @dukeofthomas @dicktective @yaboitim we need answers

 

**Timbo Drake** _@yaboitim_

he’s some dude who comes and goes the manor. he makes good food tho #mysterywayne

 

**Dick Grayson** _@dicktective_

fact: bruce adopted him cuz #brucewaynesadoptingproblem #mysterywayne

 

**Louis __**_@lookingstorm_

@dicktective #notsurprised

\----

**casswhines**

[fite me @fam]

A selfie of Cass and the mystery Wayne side-by-side with Nerf guns was posted. The two of them wore shades that probably gucci and costs an average Gothamite their monthly pay.

\----

**yaboitim**

_[lol what a nerd]_

A video of the mystery Wayne as he read aloud a line from _The Hobbit_ to Cass Cain-Wayne who had her head leaned on his shoulder.

\----

**Natalia Johnson** _@natararat_

Okay, bear with me and don’t flame me but theory: Bruce Wayne paid someone to clone Jason Todd and that’s #mysterywayne

 

**Natalia Johnson** _@natararat_

I was in the same grade as him and trust me, that vid by tim threw me back to drama class with him

 

**Natalia Johnson** _@natararat_

And its not just me right? #mysterywayne looks suspiciously like Jason Todd

 

**Natalia Johnson** _@natararat_

Not to be callous or anything but #mysterywayne #unveilthemysterywayne

_[a side-by-side image of a grainy screenshot of the mystery Wayne and a snapshot of scrawny Jason Todd from a yearbook]_

 

**Tommy Heights** _@talltommy_

i was also in the same batch as jason (my childhood crush dont fucking touch me) @natararat got me curious & i aged up an old photo of him & holy shit #unveilthemysterywayne

_[a side-by-side image of an aged up jason and the mystery Wayne]_

_\----_

**yaboitim**

_[we don’t know what you talking about]_

A video obviously taken by Tim opened with a close-up shot of the mystery Wayne. He was wearing a black rimmed glasses this time.

Tim’s voice came from behind the cam, “Is your name Jason?”

There was a heartbeat. “No.”

“What’s your name then?”

“Esteban Julio Ricardo Montoya De la Rosa Ramirez.”

\----

**Vincent Croft** _@realvincentcroft_

I can’t believe I’m saying this but @vickivale you need to get to the bottom of this #unveilthemysterywayne

 

**Natalia Johnson** _@natararat_

@RealBruceWayne @yaboitim @dicktective @casswhines @dukeofthomas we need answers #unveilthemysterywayne


	2. #mysterywayne vs reporters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which we watch as everyone tries to find out who #mysterywayne is

**Youtube**

 

_[A still image of a close-up shot of the mystery Wayne as he walked around the city. He was looking at the camera, annoyed]_

_00:00/19:24_

 

**Mystery Wayne vs Reporters**

_1,234,091 views                                                    6.4k Likes 5 Dislikes_

**By Wayneatics**

**\----**

**Now Playing** **: Mystery Wayne vs Reporters**

 

The video opened with a midshot of the mystery Wayne that quickly zoomed in. He came out of an apartment building, casually strolling out. He wore a leather jacket and definitely had a hot biker vibes going on.

A reporter ambushed him, introducing herself as someone from Gotham Gazette and asked him what his relation to the Waynes is.

“No comment,” he responded, pushing past the cameraman and it panned to follow him. He was boarding on a motorcycle parked nearby.

“What’s your real name?” She persistently followed him. “What’s your relationship with the Waynes?”

He stopped to look at her in the eye, "Ben O. Volio,” he snarked before wearing a black helmet and starting his bike.

Another video was shown. This time, there were other news reporters in the same apartment building. The mystery Wayne was seen coming out of the building and upon seeing all the news outlet, raised his hand and he turned back around and went inside again.

The other videos were montage of the mystery Wayne being ambushed by reporters. They kept asking him for his name and his relation to the Waynes were. There were different answers in different videos.

“My name’s Constantine, 40 something. Look me up.”

“I’m Donovan Rayner. I once punched Bruce in the face and now all his children wants tips from me.”

“Coby Sullivan. I tripped Bruce Wayne once and he hit his face. His kids have been asking me to do it again.”

“William Darcy. I am a man of good fortune.”

“It’s Jean. Bruce Wayne saw me steal a bread and he picked me out when a policeman went after me.”

“Henry Wu, I’m Bruce Wayne’s illegitimate child when he had an orgy in the Bahamas.”

“I’m David and I tried to kill Bruce once. He’s apparently masochistic enough to keep me around.”

“Enjolras. A charming young man capable of being terrible.”

There was a video of Jason getting on his bike and flipping the reporters as he drove away. That video was repeated several times with varying speed, filters, and background music.

\---

 **David Burke** _@daveyburns_

Yall have better seen the #mysterywayne vs reporters vid because if not ur all missing out on so much

 

 **Xena** _@maverick_

me @ #mysterywayne vs reporters

_[A Gif of Captain America with a caption saying: ‘I got that reference’]_

 

 **Katrina Velasco** _@kittykat_

Me @ my probelms

_[A Gif of mystery Wayne riding his bike with a hand flipping the reporters with a rainbow filter. There was a caption that says, ‘See you fuckers never’ in bold capital letters with glitters]_

 

 **Tommy Heights** _@talltommy_

@natararat not to be a bitch or anything but uuuh, 7th gr jason tho #unveilthemysterywayne

 

 **Natalia Johnson** _@natararat_

@dukeofthomas ur our only hope!! #unveilthemysterywayne

\----

**dukeofthomas**

_[for natararat cuz im the nice one]_

 

The video opened with a shot of Bruce Wayne sitting in an office in his house. He was looking at a paper and checking it.

Duke’s voice was heard, “ Did you or did you not clone your son?”

He raised his head to put on a ‘judging you face’.

“Repeat that again,” he said.

“Okay, wonderful answer, bye!”

The video was cut as Duke was running.

\----

 **Mary Morrison** _@marylittlelamb_

#unveilthemysterywayne that wasnt a noooo

 

 **Val Mendez** @valiantchild

#TheWaynes just called a presscon outside the Wayne Manor. Omfg.

 

 **Tommy Heights** _@talltommy_

Is it happening??????? #unveilthemysterywayne

 

 **Vicki Vale** _@vickivale_

Its fucking happening #TheWaynes #unveilthemysterywayne


	3. #jasontoddlives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which we bring Jason Todd back to life in the public eye for the sake of plot.

**Youtube**

_ [a still image of a close-up of Bruce Wayne in a press conference looking like he was frustrated about something] _

_ 00:00 / 19:23 _

**Waynes on #unveilthemysterywayne and Jason Todd**

_890,067 views_ _4K likes 7 dislikes_

**By Gotham News**

**\----**

**Transcript of Waynes on #unveilthemystertwayne and Jason Todd**

09:13/19:23

**REPORTER:** So, if you didn’t really die, who was the body that was buried?

**WAYNE:** The thing was, the body was unrecognizable and uh, we couldn’t do a DNA taste because it was charred.

**WAYNE:** We were so distraught that we accepted it as it was. We mourned our Jason.

**WAYNE:** Rest assured, we are currently talking with the Ethiopian authorities in regards on this.

**REPORTER:** But what was Jason Todd doing all these time?

**WAYNE:** Well--

**TODD:** I had amnesia.

**REPORTER:** What?

**TODD:** Yes, I had an amnesia. It’s all very cliche. I was taken in by this kind woman who nursed me back to health.

**GRAYSON:** Wait, what?

**TODD:** Yes. She was a kind woman. Although, yeah, she had moments of total bitchiness, but don’t we all.

**[** strangled noice **]**

**GRAYSON:** Next quest---

**TODD:** And then, years later, I left Ethiopia. I was in London, because that kind woman was rich and she sent me there to study.

**TODD:** I was living as someone else and had a life.

**[** noise sounds like ‘pfft  **]**

**TODD:** I had a life. I was content.

**TODD:** Anyway, one day I saw the Waynes in the television one day. And then it hit me like a crowbar. I was Jason Todd.

**[** strangled noise  **]**

**TODD:** It took a while for me to return back to the Waynes. After all, I had a life outside of them.

**TODD:** I was doing my own thing. I didn't want to go back just yet.

**GRAYSON:** Right! And we saw him one day when we were abroad.

**TODD:** I tried to get away. But once you’re a Wayne, you stay a Wayne.

**GRAYSON:** He means we all love him very much.

**TODD:** They’re like bubblegum stuck on your hair.

**GRAYSON:** Very, very much.

**TODD:** Anyway, after all those drama, here we are now.

**REPORTER:** But why have there been no public release of your ‘return’?

**TODD:** Too much work. Also, meh, I didn’t want to.

**WAYNE:** He didn’t want to be caught in the spotlight, which was why we didn’t tell the public.

**GRAYSON:** But we did correct his ‘death certificate’.

**TODD:** And my peace and anonymity is now gone.

**WAYNE:** He doesn't like being in the spotlight.

**TODD:** And that’s why I’m not dead. Sorry to the archivers who had to correct my file. Whoops.

**[** video continues  **]**

\----

**Natalia Johnson** _ @natatarat _

I fucking called it #mysterywayneunveiled #jasontoddlives

 

**Sapphire** _ @saphicgirl _

#jasontoddlives do these sort of thing happen to all rich ppl or just #TheWaynes

 

**Tommy Heights** _ @talltommy _

#jasontoddlives

_ [A gif of a woman crying while eating popcorn with a caption ‘I’m so happy’.] _

**Tommy Heights** _ @talltommy _

i can't fricking believe i admitted to the net and a #jasontoddlives that i had a crush on him.

 

**Tommy Heights** _ @talltommy _

i knew i had great taste. i mean, look at scrawny jason then and hot jason now.

 

**Vincent Croft** _ @realvincentcroft _

@talltommy #jasontoddlives just went from ‘hello sir’ to ‘your child calls me daddy too’ lol.

\-----

**Stephanie Brown** _ @purpleranger _

now that #jasontoddlives, get a fricking twitter/sc

**Todd** _ @ilikegreen _

@purpleranger maybe you just don't know that I have one #beenheredonethat

 

**Timbo Drake** _ @yaboitim _

@ilikegreen you fucking fuck told me you didnt know shit abt twitter #betrayal

 

**Todd** _ @ilikegreen _

For the record, I’m a twitter pro @purpleranger @yaboitim

\------

**Before the #jasontoddlives**

**Todd** _ @ilikegreen _

If you stand for nothing, then what'll you fall for?

_ joined february 2014 _

 

5.9K posts       158 Following          389 Followers

 

**After the #jasontoddlives**

**Todd** _ @ilikegreen _

If you stand for nothing, then what'll you fall for?

_ joined february 2014 _

 

5.9K posts       158 Following          8.7K Followers


	4. #waynekids

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which we move to the Wayne kids

**Coby Carter** _ @carrrterrrr _

@dukeofthomas show us the in on the #waynekids as they are

 

**Vincent Croft** _ @realvincentcroft _

#waynekids are the weirdest bunch in the rich circle. @dukeofthomas we need deets

\----

**dukeofthomas**

_ [can you believe these assholes are supposed to be rich af] _

A video opened with a midshot of Dick Grayson as he scooped dry cereals from a box. Jason’s voice can be heard, judging him and his choices. Dick looked straight at the camera and continued eating.

\----

**jadydaddy** _ @cindysins _

#waynekids are the richest kids who act like they aren't rich af

\----

**Dukeofthomas**

_ [i swear to god] _

The video was of the youngest Wayne, Damian, and Jason. He was holding a bag of something outstretched out of the frame, far from Damian’s reach. The latter was jumping up, trying to reach it. A second later, he punched Jason in the gut, making him double over.

The end of the video was of Damian taking a bag of chips from Jason’s hand, victoriously stepping over him.

\----

**Alexander Davies** _ @aaaaalex _

#babyWayne is a fierce little thing haha

\----

**dukeofthomas**

_ [he had to think about it] _

It was a selfie of the complete family. Duke was standing beside a loveseat that Jason Todd occupies. Cassandra had her legs draped over Tim Drake’s lap as she laid in the sofa. Dick Grayson was on the carpeted floor, giving a peace sign at the camera. Damian sat at the comfy chair, a cat lay sleeping on his lap and a dog at his feet.

“Does anyone else know why he called this meeting?”

Bruce Wayne entered and Duke panned the camera to include him.

Tim’s voice was heard, “Are you adopting someone again?”

Bruce paused for a minute, as if thinking it over. “No,” he said after a heartbeat.

“What’s with that pause!?” Jason was heard saying before the video was cut off.

\----

**bby come back** _ @lovelygarden _

Not surprised that the #waynekids fam meet starts with that question @yaboitim

\----

**dukeofthomas**

_ [u share or no one gets the lolly] _

A video of the Waynes sharing a car ride in a van. Duke was at the very back besides Jason and Cass was who was sucking on a lollipop.

Dick suddenly turned back and said, “Cass, share.”

Cass looked at him and then took the lollipop out of her mouth and gave it to him. He gave the camera in Duke’s hand a wave as he stuck the same lollipop inside his mouth.

\----

**Evelyn Harriet** _ @robinsrule _

@dicktective eeeew much #waynekids

 

**Timbo Drake** _ @yaboitim _

RT: ‘@dicktective eeeew much #waynekids’ Real fam share spit bish

 

**Dick Grayson** _ @dicktective _

@RealBruceWayne: if there's only one left, either you share or no one gets the thing @robinsrule

 

**Todd** _ @ilikegreen _

@robinsrule I mean, it's just spit.

 

**Bruce Wayne** _ @RealBruceWayne _

Either the kids fight over the last lollipop or they share. If they fight, I take it and throw it out. All gets or no one gets.

\----

**dukeofthomas**

_ [hundreds of tv in this place yet here we are] _

 

A video of the Wayne kids in a pile. They were fighting over a single remote. The youngest of the Waynes was seen hanging from behind Jason with his arms in a chokehold. Cass held a fistful of Tim Drake’s hair. Dick could be heard screaming, “It’s time for ‘Say Yes to the Dress’!”

\----

**Sam Harris** _ @sammysays _

@dicktective watches #sayyestothedress and everything is right in the world #waynekids

 

**Timbo Drake** _ @yaboitim _

RT @sammysays: ‘@dicktective watches #sayyestothedress and everything is right in the world’ Not in the Wayne House it isn’t

 

**Todd** _ @ilikegreen _

@cassiewhines fights dirty

 

**Bruce Wayne** _ @RealBruceWayne _

I’m just wondering what happened to all the other TVs I bought.

 

**Dick Grayson** _ @dicktective _

@RealBruceWayne It was @yaboitim

 

**Cass Wayne** _ @cassiewhines _

@RealBruceWayne Tim

 

**Todd** _ @ilikegreen _

@RealBruceWayne Timbo and Mario happened

 

**Timbo Drake** @ _ yaboitim _

@RealBruceWayne @dicktective @cassiewhines @ilikegreen @dukeofthomas I quit this fucking family

 

**Jojo** _ @jjsaysbish _

@yaboitim @dicktective @cassiewhines @ilikegreen @dukeofthomas storytime abt what happened to your TVs

\----

**dukeofthomas**

_ [home for the first day of new school] _

 

The video was on Bruce Wayne and Damian shot in a low angle. They were talking before but the video caught onto Bruce’s next words

“... your first day? Did you make any new friends?”

“No.” Damian’s voice was crisp. 

“New… enemies?”

“Meh.”

There was a snort from the background as the video got shaky and then cut off.

\----

**Coby Carter** _ @carrrterrrr _

#babyWayne is the personification of the fight me emoji and I love it haha #waynekids


	5. #wayneparty and the ship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which I segue into another part of the story but I fuck it up because I tend to do that and somehow made an OC-centric??? help????

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to call out ThePackWantstheD for their amazing fic: and now i'm covered in the colors

**cartwheelcoby**

_[asdfghjkl guess whose going to the biggest partay evaaaa]_

 

There was only a picture of an invitation with the words:

Carter Family

You are invited to the Wayne Manor this 15th of January to Celebrate the return of our Jason Todd.

The rest of the message was being hidden by his hands.

\-----

 **Evelyn** _@everafter_

@carrrterrr don't be weird

 

 **Coby Carter** _@carrterr_

mom already told me that ill be disowned if i be weird

 

 **Evelyn** _@everafter_

@carrrterrr but also ask for cass wayne’s # for me

 

 **Samuel Wyatt** _@samwhy_

@carrterrr be a man and ask for jason and dick’s # for me

 

 **Coby Carter** _@carrterr_

@everafter ill probs be escorted out but i will try

 

 **Coby Carter** _@carrterr_

@samwhy fite me

\----

**cartwheelcoby**

_[I’m fracking here asdfghjkl]_

 

There was a selfie of a young man in his late teens. He was wearing a full suit but his hair, a [pastel shade of pink](https://www.pinterest.com/pin/528187862518004939/) combed to the side, put off the dapper uppercrust aura. He was posing like an absolute meme, his mouth hidden behind the peace sign. He also took a shot of the Wayne manor as his background. There were rich people (who were completely and fashionably uppercrust) at the background either ignoring him or looking at him with judgment.

\----

 **Coby Carter** _@carrterr_

The fam hasn't brought me to an actual #wayneparty for years now… this is like a fairy tale

 

 **Coby Carter** _@carrterr_

remember how ppl always talked abt the #wayneparty as if they were cinderella and this was THE ball?

 

 **Coby Carter** _@carrterr_

well im the fracking cinderella rn #wayneparty

 

 **Evelyn** _@everafter_

@carrterr Damn straight, skippy #cindercoby ??? #carterella ???

 

 **Coby Carter** _@carrterr_

call me the #carterella of the #wayneparty whooo

_[A gif of the disney’s Cinderella scene where Cinderella’s dress transforms into the beautiful gown she wore to the ball]_

_\----_

**cartwheelcoby**

_[I feel like a pap]_

 

There was a surreptitious shot of the Wayne kids as they were all standing in one corner, socializing only to themselves. The photo was blurry but you can make out the shapes and determine which Wayne it was based on the size. There was also Duke Thomas, standing with Cass’ best friend, Stephanie Brown, beside the food table.

\----

 **Alexander Davies** _@aaaaalex_

#wayneparty status report: #waynekids being waynes and hiding man of the hour from everyone by creating a human barricade around todd.

 

 **Evelyn** _@everafter_

@carrterr idk how but ask if cass and steph r dating? #doihaveachance

 

 **Coby Carter** _@carrterr_

@everafter no u dont. but dreaming is free so.

\----

**dukeofthomas**

_[we're all dead if bruce finds out]_

 

The video was focused on the table - specifically the table skirts. And then Duke's hand lifted it to see Damian Wayne under the table with his dog and cat. He hissed at the camera and yanked the skirt back down, hiding him and his pets.

_\----_

**Kat Barnes** _@katjabarnes_

#babywayne is absolutely adorable and he needs to have his own twitter acct so we can hear him roast his bros online

\----

**dukeofthomas**

_[bruce: its too early for this shit]_

 

The video was of Bruce talking with snotty society couple. He nodded and then all of a sudden stopped and stared at the woman before saying something that the camera microphone didn't pick up but made the woman let out a dramatic gasp. He pointed at her neck and proceeded to peace out of the conversation by looking at them straight in the eyes and taking a flute of champagne from a server and drinking it. He then proceeded to actually do a heel turn and left the couple. Before the video ended, it caught Bruce Wayne giving them a backwards peace sign as he drink his flute of champagne.

\----

 **Vincent Croft** _@realvincentcroft_

Everyone's asking why the #waynekids are so extra and like ??? have you met their dad #bruceextrawayne

\----

**cartwheelcoby**

_[BrUcE WaYnE said he loved my hair asdfghjkl]_

 

A photo of Coby Carter, a nervous smile on his face, a thumbs up. Beside him was Bruce Wayne, looking dapper in his suit with a wine glass in one hand and the other in a thumbs up pose as well.

\----

 **Samuel Wyatt** _@samwhy_

@carrterr wtf!!!!!! ur latest snap omfg deeets #wayneparty

 

 **Coby Carter** _@carrterr_

so like i was standing at a corner adjacent to the Waynes. and i was boring and didnt have anyone talking to me 1/?

 

 **Coby Carter** _@carrterr_

and then i hear someone behind me compliment my hair and i fucking grinned and turned and said thanks 2/?

 

 **Coby Carter** _@carrterr_

but like its bruce wayne. bruce wayne just complimented my hair. asdfghjkl 3/?

 

 **Coby Carter** _@carrterr_

and i told him that not everyone liked the color cuz im a dude and its pink #hintmomhatesit 4/?

 

 **Coby Carter** _@carrterr_

AND HE FROWNED AND ASKED WHATS WRONG W PINK BLESS THIS MAN 5/?

 

 **Coby Carter** _@carrterr_

anyway, he said one of his sons have a habit of coloring his hair sometimes and he hsnt colored it again and he wants to introduce me 6/?

 

 **Coby Carter** _@carrterr_

take that mom. bruce wayne thinks my hair is fly (his words) #dadwayne 7/7

\----

**realvincroft**

_[We met Carterella_ _]_

A selfie of Coby Carter with a peace sign sandwhiched by a tall asian young man and a small black girl.

\----

 **Vincent Croft** _@realvincentcroft_

@cindysins and I met @carrterr and #carterella and how dare mrs carter not love his beautiful hair

**jaydaddy** _@cindysins_

 _@_ carrterr is actually very very nice and i feel like i should fairy godmother the shit outta him

**jaydaddy** _@cindysins_

UMMMMMMM

**jaydaddy** _@cindysins_

@carrterr just got kidnapped by @RealBruceWayne wtf #wayneparty

**Vincent Croft** _@realvincentcroft_

@carrterr say the word and we'll bust u out even if its the waynes

\----

**dukeofthomas**

_[I think we scared some poor kid]_

It was a video of a shaking Coby Carter, average sized, standing small beside Dick Grayson (6’0) and Jason Todd (6’3”). The two were talking to him about him about his hair. Cassandra (5’5” with her heels) patted his hair.

\----

 **Coby Carter** _@carrterr_

i am a weak gay kid who does not know how to handle all these #wayneparty help me obi wan kenobi this isnt part of the plan

**jaydaddy** _@cindysins_

help is on the way @carrterr

\----

**dukeofthomas**

_[A friend has saved the poor kid]_

A video of a tall asian young man who Tim apparently knows and called, ‘Vince’ reached for the shaking kid. He calmed him easily enough and Vince was amiable enough that he was talking cheerfully with the rest of the Wayne kids.

\----

 **Evelyn** _@everafter_

Can you believe @realvincentcroft may turn out to be #princecharming

\----

**dukeofthomas**

_[savior strikes again]_

The video started with a reporter asking the Wayne kids rather delicate questions in regards to Jason Todd’s return, obviously a sceptic of the story they told the media. And then amiable Vincent stepped in and berated the reporter, calling out their news organization, and throwing words like ‘ad hominem’ and ‘hurtful accusations to the Wayne family and in turn, to Gotham as a whole’. Stephanie’s voice was heard saying, “I think I just had a lady boner, holy shit.”

\----

 **Timbo Drake** _@yaboitim_

Call out for my old dnd buddy @realvincentcroft for scolding a reporter until they are so chastened

**Timbo Drake** _@yaboitim_

 _@_ realvincentcroft i feel like i just watched alfred scolded someone

\---

 **Coby Carter** _@carrterr_

@everafter u have a chance apparently. #casswayne is a proud lesbian and no she's not dating anybody.

**Evelyn** _@everafter_

@carrterr i love you bro

**Coby Carter** _@carrterr_

#wayneparty status: all the waynes are non-het. take that mom.

**Coby Carter** _@carrterr_

@ everyone im very sorry to say that we had a chance w #jasontoddlives but rn he is very happily taken

**Coby Carter** _@carrterr_

dont ask me who but he apparently helps him dye his hair (he's the wayne who dyes his hair)

**Coby Carter** _@carrterr_

he shared a pic of his prev hair #wayneparty

_[An image of Jason Todd with shades on. His hair was a shade of[green](https://i.pinimg.com/564x/e4/33/99/e43399b357c5a503f192c08bb6e1054e.jpg). He looked absolutely hot.] _

**Coby Carter** _@carrterr_

#carterella has achieved dancing w the princes and its time for midnight

_[A gif of disney’s Cinderella running from the scene of the crime aka the ball]_

_\----_

**realvincroft**

_[At least I caught Carterella before he ran off to his pumpkin carriage]_

Vincent and Coby were seen dancing in the middle of the dance floor. Cindy or jaydaddy was heard squealing her encouragements from behind the camera. There was a wolfwhistle and the camera panned to see the Wayne kids, specifically Stephanie dragging Cassandra to the middle of the dance floor. The other kids followed.

\----

 **Coby Carter** _@carrterr_

everyone keeps mentioning how the #waynekids are making the #origwaynes roll in their graves rn cuz of their anti-classism ways

**Coby Carter** _@carrterr_

like fuck u and all of gotham’s ancestry bcuz i will protect bruce wayne and #waynekids w my life. they r more progressive than ¾ of gotham high society and they r gonna revolutionize the system.

**Coby Carter** _@carrterr_

so as a wise man once said

_[A Gif of Jason Todd riding his bike with a hand flipping the reporters with a rainbow filter. There was a caption that says, ‘See you fuckers never’ in bold capital letters with glitters]_

**Coby Carter** _@carrterr_

went for the #wayneparty and went home with some of the #waynekids # and a date w @realvincentcroft

**Coby Carter** _@carrterr_

who is the real winner now mom

_[A photo of Coby with the Wayne kids and Vincent and Cindy. His own pink hair standing above the group.]_

_\----_

**Hannah Corazon** _@hanz_

I came here for #wayneparty gossip and came out with @realvincentcroft and @carrterr ship + hot green haired jason. #noregrets


	6. The Wayne Shenanigas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which I don't know what to write so I write shenanigans

**Katrina Velasco** _ @kittykat _

@dukeofthomas where have you been we need more sneaks at the #waynekids

 

**Katrina Velasco** _ @kittykat _

@dukeofthomas sooo has #babywayne succeeded in his quest to off #yaboitim

 

**Timbo Drake** _ @yaboitim _

@kittykat I lived bish

_ [an image of a disheveled Tim Drake with eyebags and a mug of coffee in hand besides Stephanie Brown. Besides Tim in his whole mess visage, she was presented immaculately in a cute white beanie and purple sweater.] _

**\----**

**dukeofthomas**

_ [not for lack of trying] _

 

The video started with Damian and Tim arguing with the dinner table the only thing between them. Suddenly, Damian grabbed a fork and stood up on his chair and tried to fly towards Tim, the fork in position to stab him. The oldest of the Waynes stood up and grabbed Damian by the middle. The camera pans to the rest of the Waynes. As if the thing was normal, the other Wayne kids continued eating their lunch.

\----

**Val Mendez** _ @valiantchild _

Is no one nervous that #babywayne just legit tried to kill @yaboitim

 

**Timbo Drake** _ @yaboitim _

@valiant child

_ [a gif of Sam Winchester from Supernatural hugging the beejezus out of a kid with the caption: ‘too precious for this world’] _

 

**Vincent Croft** _ @realvincentcroft _

if @yaboitim was my brother, i’d probs do the same

 

**Coby Carter** _ @carrterr _

@realvincentcroft wtf dude????

 

**jaydaddy** _ @cindysins _

RT: ‘if @yaboitim was my brother, i’d probs do the same’ #Mood

 

**Timbo Drake** _ @yaboitim _

@realvincentcroft @cindysins is this cuz i accidentally lost us our dnd campaign. #getoverit

 

**jaydaddy** _ @cindysins _

@yaboitim #never

\----

**dickiegrysn**

_ [i’m sorry for all the times i asked for a brother] _

 

The video was taken from the front cam. It was just Dick Grayson with a neutral mask of disappointed painted on his face. Behind him, Damian and Tim were arguing. Damian was being carried by Jason like a sack of potatoes but he was still yelling at Tim as he brandished his fist. Tim himself was being carried away out of the frame by Cass. He was also yelling at Damian.

\----

**Louis** _ @lookingstorm _

@dicktective as the oldest of three, i feel for you. 

 

**Dick Grayson** _ @dicktective _

@lookingstorm try having 5+ pain in ur ass.

 

**Bernadette Brians** _ @berniebee _

@RealBruceWayne needs to stop adopting every kid he sees.

 

**Dick Grayson** _ @dicktective _

@berniebee watch your mouth young lady

\----

**dukeofthomas**

_ [its bad when cass is mad] _

 

The video started shaky but it was of Damian and Tim arguing. Neither Dick nor Jason was anywhere in sight. They got physical in which Duke said ‘shit’, the video got shaky as he stood and moved to stop the brothers when Tim pushed Damian and the latter hit Cassandra. Duke’s, ‘oh shit we’re dead’ was heard in the silence of the room.

He raised the camera to point at Cass. She was apparently carrying a cake when Damian hit her. The plate she was carrying was empty now. The cake slid from her chest to the floor. Her eyes was angry as she glared at her brothers.

She only said one word before the video was ended. She said, ‘run.’

\----

**Evelyn** _ @everafter _

Can you all believe that angry @cassiewhines turns me on?

 

**Coby Carter** _ @carrterr _

@everafter not really

 

**Samuel Wyatt** _ @samwhy _

@everafter i’m more surprised that #casswayne can get angry. wayne androids are so high tech.

 

**Alexander Davies** _ @aaaaalex _

@samwhy fight me bitch #cassisarealgirl

 

**Hannah Corazon** _ @hanz _

is the only thing #babywayne and @yaboitim do is fight?

**\----**

**dukeofthomas**

_ [the apocalypse is upon us] _

 

The video was focused on Damian and Tim. However, this time, the two of them were huddled together, seeming at peace for once. They weren’t even at each other’s throat like the usual.

“What’s going on?” Bruce Wayne’s voice came from behind the camera.

“They’re plotting how to get back at Jason.” It was a female voice that wasn’t Cass or Stephanie.

“Ah.” Bruce Wayne’s deadpan was clear even without having seen his face.

\----

**Kyle** _ @goddessbastet _

@RealBruceWayne is so done with his children but he loves them so he keeps em lol

 

**Louis** _ @lookingstorm _

so all #babywayne and @yaboitim needs is a common enemy to bond together lol

\----

**dukeofthomas**

_ [the kiddos have finally strike] _

 

Jason Todd stood in full rainbow paint. It wasn’t just his hair though. His whole body was covered in paint. Even his clothes was covered in paint. He was wearing a rayban sunglasses and when he took it off, it was the only thing that was saved from the blast of paint puke.

Duke pointed the camera closer and there were laughters. Jason’s eyes glared at the camera and then he shifted his glare to the side.

A young man that clearly wasn’t Bruce or Dick or Tim leaned and only his torso and hands were captured on camera. He said, “At least you’re still pretty.”

Jason growled. The young man laughter turns into complaints when Jason stood up and hugged him. Duke tilted the camera for a slight second and the frame captured the face of a young man with dark mess of a hair getting his face splattered with paint as Jason rubbed his cheeks on him.

There were wheezing of laughters before, with the camera panning, Jason let go and went to hug Stephanie too, the paint catching onto her white shirt. He then glared at the side, “Run because I’m coming for you next.” Shouts followed as the video cut off.

\----

**jaydaddy** _ @cindysins _

@ilikegreen you look very pretty in rainbow :P

 

**Tommy Heights** _ @talltommy _

Will there be another revenge scheme? I think I wanna see more lol #waynekids

 

**Felicity** _ @happiness _

#newmysterywayne??? Did #brucewayne adopted another new #waynekids?

 

**Todd** _ @ilikegreen _

@happiness no

 

**Dick Grayson** _ @dicktective _

@happiness don’t worry, there’s no new wayne kid.

 

**Timbo Drake** _ @yaboitim _

@happiness thank god no.

 

**Duke Thomas** _ @dukeofthomas _

@happiness lol no. but damian adopted a new pet turkey.

 

**Katrina Velasco** _ @kittykat _

@dukeofthomas lol #babywayne

 

**Katrina Velasco** _ @kittykat _

@dukeofthomas wait, were you being serious???


	7. #babywayne and his animals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which i have no idea how i write things like this on the go and i have no idea where the plot went but mama raised no quitter and we are spiraling together

**dukeofthomas**

_ [um excuse u how dare u doubt me the source of all wayne goss] _

It was a video of Damian petting the head of a squawking turkey. Behind him, there was a cow that moo-d.

\----

**Katja Barnes** _ @katbarnes _

#babywayne are u planning on making a ranch?

\----

**dukeofthomas**

**_[_ ** _ say hi to the others] _

The video was of a carpeted room. Duke moved around the fancy-ass room. There was a dog lying on the rug. A cat was purring by the armchair that looked like it was from a vintage film. A cow was moo-ing at a corner. Damian Wayne was carrying the turkey around, pretty much touring it around the room. When he saw Duke and his camera, his calm expression turned frozen before he squawked like the turkey he was holding. Duke cut the video there.

\----

**Mary Morrison** _ @marylittlelamb _

#babywayne is not just the fite me emoji but also the angery emoji lol

 

**David Burke** _ @daveyburns _

#babywayne is planning to beat his old man by adopting animals the wayne #brucewayne adopts orphans

\-----

**brucewaynesass** reblogged from  **hahayouaintfunny**

**dailywaynes**

**Baby Wayne and Animals**

So, I compiled a list of all the Damian Wayne and Animal moments. You are all welcome:

  * Damian’s dog, Titus Wayne
  * Cutie and his kitty
  * The shocking moment he released all the dogs in a pet shop
  * That time he destroyed a TV after a dog died in a movie
  * His pet cow named after Batman (aka his stepdad lol)
  * His visit on theGotham U during Stress Week where he snuggled with the pets
  * When he shooketh us when he ‘saved’ those cats from an adoption center
  * The tears in his eyes when he had to say goodbye to pets at a pet store
  * Every timehe sees a pupper and he just fucking pets them all (even jumping out of a moving car to pet a bulldog in the sidewalk)
  * The new addition to his pets: The Turkey
  * The ensemble of his pets



**brucewaynesass** added

the city of gotham supports his goal of petting every single puppy in the world

_ source: dailywaynes _

#the wayne family #damian wayne #baby wayne #bless you #bless your family #bless this pure boy #more of damian wayne petting things and the rest of waynefam trying to stop him from releasing animals to the streets #freeanimals2k18 #wayne animals #baby wayne and his animals

**1,453,298 notes**

\----

**Xiaohu Liu** _ @miaoxiao _

#babywayne is the hero animal lovers deserve  **dailwaynes.tumblr.com/post/baby+wayne+and+animals**

 

**Nightwings Ass** _ @gothamstreasure _

@miaoxiao #babywayne #animallover bless this pure angry fighting boy

\----

**dickiegrysn**

_ [adorable yet fierce baby bro] _

The video was taken inconspicuously. It zoomed into Damian Wayne lying on his tummy with a pillow propped in his upper body. He was face to face with his dog, Titus. He was making growl noises. Titus was whining. Damian repeated the growls. Titus then copied him, growling. Damian growled louder. Titus stood and then glared, growling louder.

Damian let out a pleased sound, rubbing Titus’ head that caused the dog to whine, pleased. “Good boy,” he said.

\----

**Matthew Georgiano** _ @bqtpecs _

#babywayne awwwwwwww #goodboy

 

**Katja Barnes** _ @katbarnes _

I know we like to joke around and say that #babywayne is the fite me emoji but he’s also the #gooddoggomeme

 

**Hailey** _ @heyyyylyyyy _

#babywayne must be protected at all cost

\----

**dukeofthomas**

_ [babywayne joins the crowd] _

It was a photo of Duke and Dick with Damian. Dick was holding a phone that was open to a twitter app. It was shoved close to the camera and it was open to the profile. Damian Wayne had a black cat touching the camera as his profile picture. The real Damian was rolling his eyes at the side.

\----

**Damian Wayne** _ @truewayneheir _

I hold no understanding as to why I must join but do believe that I shall destroy Drake

 

**Dick Grayson** _ @dicktective _

@truewayneheir why must you be like this #saveme


	8. #askbabywayne

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which the gothamites hear what #truewayneheir has to say even though this chapter was supposed to be for cassandra

**Marianne Hollander** _@marihollidays_

#askbabywayne are you really the real damian wayne @truewayneheir

 

 **Damian Wayne** _@truewayneheir_

@marihollidays Yes, it is truly I, the real Damian Wayne, true heir to the Wayne.

 

 **Natalia Johnson** _@natararat_

#askbabywayne @truewayneheir what do you have to say in re to ur brother #jasontoddlives?

 

 **Damian Wayne** _@truewayneheir_

@natararat A message from the heavens that it wouldn’t matter if I kill @yaboitim

 

 **Nightwings Girl** _@blueeewings_

@truewayneheir is that a joke or smt???

 

 **Timbo Drake** _@yaboitim_

@natararat @truewayneheir still surviving #waynecant

\----

**dukeofthomas**

_[murder attempt # 16432]_

The video started with a screech that was a mix of a child’s war cry and a screech of a bird. The camera focused on Damian, jumping from the couch to attack Tim who just entered. There was a sound of someone falling and cursing. Dick Grayson could be heard screaming, ‘Dami, no!!’.

\----

 **Olivia Matsunaga** _@olliiiii_

@truewayneheir @yaboitim @dukeofthomas @dicktective @ilikegreen @cassiewhines its amazing that gcpd hasn’t taken all these murder attempts srsly

 

 **Olivia Matsunaga** _@olliiiii_

#richproblems #waynekids

 

 **Dick Grayson** _@dicktective_

@olliiiii it’s not so much #richproblems more on the #gcpd is tired of being called to the wayne manor because of kids squabbling

 

 **Todd** _@ilikegreen_

@olliiiii @dicktective bad rep w the in laws lol

\----

 **jason the gayson** _@imgaybish_

#askbabywayne @truewayneheir rank your fam -ur dad on who ur fave is

 

 **Damian Wayne** _@truewayneheir_

@imgaybish Grayson, Cassandra, Titus Alfred Jerry Batcow, Pennyworth, Todd, Brown, Thomas, Gordon, etc.

 

 **jason the gayson** _@imgaybish_

@truewayneheir what about @yaboitim is he the etc

 

 **Damian Wayne** _@truewayneheir_

@imgaybish He is at the very bottom somewhere after the many people and animals i have not yet met in the etc

 

 **Timbo Drake** _@yaboitim_

@imgaybish dont worry he isnt in my list either

 

 **Romana Halliwell** _@timeladymana_

@truewayneheir @yaboitim lol u know two r a riot

 

 **Gerry Warner** _@weissuschneed_

@truewayneheir @yaboitim is lower than the animals looool

\----

 **Marcus Gray** _@supermetropolis_

#askbabywayne @truewayneheir qhat do you think of the rumors that ur sis #casswayne is an android

 

 **Damian Wayne** _@truewayneheir_

@supermetropolis blasphemy

 

 **jaydaddy** _@cindysins_

@supermetropolis fight me #cassisarealgirl

 

 **Evelyn** _@everafter_

@supermetropolis meet me at the back of dennys #cassisarealgirl

\----

 **Cathryn Doyle** _@catdoyle_

#askbabywayne what do you think of ur stepdad @truewayneheir

 

 **Damian Wayne** _@truewayneheir_

@catdoyle I hold no recollection of my mother or father ever remarrying so this is a moot question

 

 **Katja Barnes** _@katbarnes_

@truewayneheir she means what do you think of #batman if he was a dad

 

 **Damian Wayne** _@truewayneheir_

@katbarnes The Batman is likely the type who will tell you to go to sleep even though its only 10 PM and he is awake past 3 AM.

 

 **Damian Wayne** _@truewayneheir_

A true hypocrite who says to stay in school when his job is to punch people at night.

 

 **Dick Grayson** _@dicktective_

#batman do as i say not as i do

 

 **Tommy Heights** _@talltommy_

is this from exp @truewayneheir

 

 **Romana Halliwell** _@timeladymana_

#batwayneconfirmed

 

 **Cathryn Doyle** _@catdoyle_

#batwayne Aaaaaah hidelives.tumblr.com/post/1037521/batman-x-bruce-wayne-fanfic-dearly-beloved

\----

 **Pyrrha Lives** _@pyrrhana_

@truewayneheir tell us a secret of the #waynekids #askbabywayne

 

 **Damian Wayne** _@truewayneheir_

@pyrrhana Grayson hates when u put milk before the cereals, Todd cries at every dog movies, Cassandra once punched through a wall and blamed Todd

 

 **Damian Wayne** _@truewayneheir_

@pyrrhana Drake forgets which is left and which is right,Brown laid claim on the La-Z recliner once father dies

 

 **Damian Wayne** _@truewayneheir_

@pyrrhana Thomas once screamed so high because he was surprised to find Todd at the kitchen at 3 AM we thought there was an emergency.

 

 **Damian Wayne** _@truewayneheir_

@pyrrhana I, too, would have been frightened by Todd’s ugly face.

\----

 **Bananana** _@habanana_

#askbabywayne drag your sibs

 

 **Damian Wayne** _@truewayneheir_

Drake mixes coffee with Monster yet he still lives. I would like to donate his internal organs to science.

_[A video of Tim Drake stumbling inside the kitchen, hitting his head on the door. Another video beside it of Tim taking a fancy ass cup of coffee and mixing it with a can of Monster. He mixes it and then straight up drinks it.]_

 

 **Damian Wayne** _@truewayneheir_

I, too, wonder about Cassandra’s genuinity as a human being but then I remember this.

_[A side by side image of Cassandra Wayne laughing, hands covering her nose as milk spurted out; and a picture of Cassandra laying upside down the couch, her legs draped over the back. She was eating popcorn messily, half fallen to the ground.]_

 

 **Damian Wayne** _@truewayneheir_

Have you ever wondered what Todd does with his free time? The leather is a sham.

_[A video of Jason Todd, lying down with his head pillowed on someone’s thighs. A hand was combing his fading pink hair with black roots. It was a man’s hand, skin an olive shade that was lighter than Dick Grayson’s and obviously wasn’t either of the teenage Wayne children. Jason was reading aloud a copy of Harry Potter and he was doing the voices with fake accents.]_

 

 **Damian Wayne** _@truewayneheir_

There is no need to ‘drag’ Grayson. He does it all on his own.

_[A video of the Dick Grayson trying to fit who knows how many marshmallow inside his mouth, forcing it inside it. Beside it was another video, this one of Dick spurting a can of whip cream inside his mouth, covering his mouth and nose.]_

\----

 **Damian Wayne** _@truewayneheir_

I appreciate the support of fellow Gothamites in acknowledging that I, not Drake, am the true Wayne heir.

 

 **Timbo Drake** _@yaboitim_

@truewayneheir

 _[A picture of a height requirement that says, 'must be this tall to enter'_ _]_

 

_**Damian Wayne** _@truewayneheir_ _

@yaboitim shame you will be left out as the remaining short one for I have been blessed with wonderful genes.

 _[A cropped picture of Bruce Wayne standing with a line and the words 6'1", and beside it was a picture of his mother, a woman in a two piece suit and with her back on the camera with a line and the words 5'8"_. _]_


	9. #happybirthdaycass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Cass's birthday last January 26 and I missed it because I procrastinated. I'm so sorry Cass. I'll do better

**Youtube**

  _[The still image was of a picture of Cassandra Wayne, laughing with cake smeared on her nose. There were large letters on the bottom of her photo, not obscuring her face, that says: ‘Happy Birthday Cass’.]_

_00:00/21:12_

**Birthdays! Wayne Edition ft. Cass**

**1,321,239 views** **8k likes 1 dislike**

**by timpossibledrake**

_It’s the Wayne’s own Cassandra’s birthday. She’s getting closer to her wrinkle stage, but it’s okay, sis, we still love Bruce and he’s ancient. Watch as we surprise Cass for her birthday. We didn’t throw anything extravagant since Dick and Jay managed to stop Bruce from pretty much throwing the biggest and fanciest party for his favorite (WE ALL KNOW IT'S TRUE, B, STOP TRYING TO LIE TO US BY SAYING THERE’s NO FAVE)._

_\-----_

**NOW PLAYING**

_00:00/21:12_

The video opened with a tracking shot inside the Wayne manor. The hallways looked older than your parents but still fancier than them. And then, there was shush and the video panned to take in the Wayne brothers in front of a bedroom door. Dick put a finger to his lips, grinning. Jason was carrying Damian, who looked absolutely grumpy. Tim was carrying a bucket of something.

“We have to be extra careful and quiet.” Tim said. “Cass is a light sleeper.”

There were grunts from Damian as Jason covered his mouth.

“Ready?” Duke’s voice came from behind the camera.

The brothers grinned before carefully opening the door and tiptoeing inside. Cassandra’s room was not what one would expect of a Wayne. It wasn’t that hugeass room with a large bed in the middle like in movies. It was actually a fairly simple room with loads of large stuffed toy. There were different ballet shoes hanging on a wall.

The camera focused on the figure of Cassandra, lying in a foetus position above the covers - which, for some reason or another, was color black and had the logo for Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, Green Lantern, The Flash, and Aquaman. There was a plush toy of what looked like every single Justice League member on her bed but Green Lantern had fallen down to the floor.

The brothers moved around her bed. And then, Tim dropped the bucket, a confetti covering her. At the same time, the others screamed ‘Happy Birthday!’.

Cassandra screamed, jumping up and fists at the ready. She gave a kick directed at the bucket on Tim’s hand, it flew up and it hit him.

“What the--?!”

There were laughters abound.

_10:32/21:12_

“Time for presents.” It was Tim who said it. The camera pans to him, grabbing a large gift. “Mine first.”

There was a scoff as Damian moved forward too, carrying a larger gift. “I believe that as the real heir, my present needs to be the first Cassandra opens.”

An argument seemed to be opening between the brothers but Bruce intervened by presenting his gift first.

“What is it?” Dick leaned closer.

The camera zoomed on the small box that was given. Cass shook it but there wasn't a sound. When she unwrapped the gift and saw the velvet box, Jason could be heard snorting something about the theatricality. There was a key inside the box.

“What is it for?” Cass questioned.

“You got Cass a car?”  Dick squawked, out of the frame. “For my birthday, you got me a $100 gift certificate to IHOP!”

There was a snort.

“Favoritism!” It was Tim who screamed out. “All you got me for my birthday was a hard drive.”

“You said you needed one though.” Bruce said, sounding honest to God clueless. “And it’s not a car.”

“You bought her an apartment?” Tim screeched out.

“Of course not.” Bruce said, affronted. “I’d buy her one if she asks me to, but why would I when she adores living here?”

“And also, Cass is the favorite.” It was Jason.

“I don’t have any favorites!” He insisted.

“I’m father’s favorite, obviously.” Damian huffed.

“I don’t have any favorites.” He repeated.

Cass finally spoke, “What’s this for?”

“It’s the key to your new dance studio.” Bruce said, the camera focused to him smiling softly.

Cass gasped and squealed, jumping up from her seat and flying up to hug her father. “Really?”

“Really.”

There was a caption below that says, ‘There is definitely favoritism.”

_19:04/21:12_

The video was focused on Cass. She was sitting besides a large teddy bear wearing a batman cape and cow and a bunch of adorable plushies of the three Bbatgirls sat on her lap. She was grinning.

“Hi! Thanks for celebrating with me,” she said. “I don’t really… do words. I’m not good with them like Dick or Jay are. But I wanted to say thank you to everyone who wished me a happy birthday. Thank you to my family too, for being there and being yourselves. I wouldn’t be who I am today if you hadn’t dragged me from my corner.”

She gave a little adorable laugh, thumb wiping what seems to be tears from her eyes. “My wish for this birthday is for my family to always be happy and healthy. And for words to stop being so hard. It’s very hard for me to say what I want to when I’m embarrassed that I might… make mistakes. Very hard.”

She gave a final wave, “Bye!” before blowing a kiss to the camera.

\---

**Instagram**

**cassiewhines**

_[A picture of Cass’s gifts. There was the key that Bruce gave her on its velvet box. A huge teddy bear with a cape and cowl that must be wearing a batman costume. The three Batgirls plushie, all leaning next to each other with the all black Batgirl in the middle of the redhead Batgirl and the blonde Batgirl. There was an adorable ballet slipper with the underside signed by Natalia Osipova. A kindle was set against the teddy bear. There were also 2 sets of leg and wrist weight. The last gift was in the middle and were three sweaters filled with cat puns like ‘meowvelous’, ‘you are purrfect the way you are’, and a ‘stay pawsitive’.]_

4.5k likes

 **cassiewhines** thank you everyone who wished me a happy birthday. I don’t really need any gifts. Your well wishes is enough. But I also want to highlight my amazing dad and brothers for their gifts. All of them are adorable and no, Dick, I don’t have any favorites among them.

2.3k comments

 **dicktective** But you loved my sweater gifts the most, right? I see you wearing ‘em already.

 **j-todd** I went all the way to Russia to get your ballet slippers signed, mine better be your favorite.

 **stephitup** @dicktective @j-todd how dare you

 **stephitup** The best gift is obvi the Batgirls. Adorbs. @timpossible needs to buy me some for my bday

 **karakent** We didn't get an invite!!!! We would've been there otherwise. Happy Bday Cassie <3

 **conmankent** Hearts and Well wishes to the best Wayne (except for you bro)

 **valmendez**  Happy Birthday Cass!!!!!

 **natramirez** <3 <3 <3 Happy Birthday Cass <3 <3 <3

\---

 **batgirls 4eva** _@handymandy_

But @RealBruceWayne seriously bought @cassiewhines a studio for her #cassbday. There is definitely a #favoritism.

 

 **Batman’s Nana** _@nananana_

@cassiewhines is also my favorite #waynekids More birthdays for you #birthdaygirlcass

 

 **Evelyn** _@everafter_

HAPPY BIRTHDAY @cassiewhines #redvelvetcake

_[A photo of a cake with a vanilla icing and the yellow batman symbol with the words, ‘HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY FAVORITE WAYNE’ spelled out in vanilla icing]_

 

 **Cass Wayne** _@cassiewhines_

Yummmm!!! Thank you @everafter RT: ‘HAPPY BIRTHDAY @cassiewhines #redvelvetcake’

_[A photo of a cake with a vanilla icing and the yellow batman symbol with the words, ‘HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY FAVORITE WAYNE’ spelled out in vanilla icing]_

 

 **Evelyn** _@everafter_

I have been blessed by the Queen herself

_[A gif of a woman crying with a caption, ‘I’m so used to giving, and now I get to receive.’]_

\---

 **dailywaynes** reblogged from **casswayne-fc**

**casswayne-fc**

_[A gif of Cass with a party hat on with the word, ‘Happy’] [A gif of Cass doing a pirouette]_

_[A gif of Cass laughing as Jay spins her in a hug] [A gif of Cass with streamers on her hair with the word, ‘Birthday’]_

_[A gif of Cass biting on her cake and grinning goofily with the words, ‘Cassandra’] [A gif of Cass hugging her dad]_

_[A gif of Cass hugging the large teddy bear wearing the Batman cape and cowl] [A gif of Cass blowing the camera a kiss with the text, ‘01-26-97’]_

Happy Birthday to the lovely, charming, adorable, kind, talented, sweet and inspirational, Cassandra Wayne. The Gotham’s Darling Daughter, right here being beautiful with her wonderful family. (x)

 **dailywaynes** added

You don’t know Cassandra Wayne? Our living meme? Our darling ballerina? Gotham’s Queen? Bruce Wayne’s favorite? Our pride and joy? Where have you been living?????

Happy Birthday, Cass <3 <3 <3

_source: casswayne-fc_

#cassandra wayne #cass wayne #wayne kids #the waynes #waynefam #cassday #not mine

**152,321 notes**

**dailywaynes**

[A gif of Cass dancing inside the Wayne family library with the caption, ‘ **Duke: Cass loves dancing and she keeps practicing to be the best she can be. It’s inspiring, to be honest.’** ] [A gif of Cass laughing as Duke pushes her as she sat on a swing]

[A gif of Dick pointing at a t-shirt Cass was wearing that says, ‘I’m the favorite because I’m the only daughter’] [A gif of Cass reading a book out loud, her mouth slowly enunciating every word with the caption, ‘ **Dick: It’s hard for Cassie to speak English but that doesn’t mean she’s giving up. She always tries the hardest among us.’** ]

[A gif of Cass scooping a large amount of ice cream with the caption, ‘ **Tim: Even when I’m tired, just seeing her make pushing through makes me want to stick to what I’m doing.’]** [A gif of Cass laughing as Tim dons her head with a flower crown]

[A gif of Cass grinning as she carry Jason by the middle] A gif of Cass wearing a large t-shirt and dancing inside the kitchen with the caption, **‘Jason: She makes me want to keep being a better brother, a better person.’** ]

[A gif of Cass beatboxing with her pink cap backwards and the captions, **‘Damian: Cassandra is a worthy sibling in comparison to the rest of them that father brings home**.’] [A gif of Cass and Damian as they pet a bunch of dogs]

[A gif of Cass and Bruce dancing in one of the Wayne parties] [A gif of Cass as she ran around the Wayne manor’s garden being followed by Titus with the captions, ‘ **Bruce: Many people have talked about how I ‘saved’ Cass, but the truth is, it was her that saved me.’** ]

Happy Birthday to Gotham’s Darling, Cassandra Wayne ft. The Wayne Men and Cass

_source: dailywaynes_

#cassandra wayne #cass wayne #dick grayson #jason todd #tim drake #damian wayne #bruce wayne #wayne kids #the waynes #waynefam #cassday

**275,631 notes**

\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can pester me in Tumblr, it's cool: I'm [Eulphy](https://eulphy.tumblr.com/)


	10. #defendourwaynes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which #defendourwaynes trended and I somehow managed to add another trending hashtag

**David Fries** _@davefries_

#defendourwaynes #waynekids #hereforwaynes

 _[an image screenshot of a tumblr post reblogged by_ **_dawaynes_ ** _from_ **_whyschneeze_ **

**_batmansbutt_ **

**_me_ ** _: so what do you think of the waynes?_

 **_date_ ** _: i think the media overhypes them too much_

 **_me_ ** _: *stuffing breadsticks on my handbag* sorry, i have to go---_

 **_date_ ** _: yeah, i mean, media makes every wayne one characteristics and forgets who they are as people are complex._

 **_me_ ** _: *putting the breadsticks bag* go on…_

 **_date_ ** _: dick grayson isn’t just a smiling face, he’s also one of the most moral police officer our city has ever seen. he quit the force because of its corruption, bringing it to light and bringing change. jason todd isn’t just a bad boy in leather and motorcycle, he’s a survivor - he survived past death, amnesia, and is thriving on life. have you heard him argue in re lit works? swoon. tim drake isn’t just a kid who is probably high off the rocket, he’s also a good kid who had smiled despite tragedy in life. cass wayne isn’t some emotionless ai, she’s a sweet girl who works hard and keeps pushing through despite boundaries. english isn’t her first language and yet she keeps trying to learn and is one of the most beautiful and emotional dancer in all usa. damian wayne isn’t just a fight me emoji, he’s a poc who looks at gotham’s 1% and dared them to look down on them. he’s one of the sweetest boys, a vegan not because of diet but because he adores and loves animal. one of the world’s biggest animal activist. bruce wayne isn’t some fucking idiot, he graduated fucking princeton and though he loves to party and has that brainless smile on his face, he has one of the biggest heart in the world. he saw this children and thought, no children deserve a lonely life._

 **_me_ ** _: marry me._

 **_punchedriddleonce_ ** _added_

_how about YOU marry me omg_

_source: batmansbutt_

_#wayne kids #wayne family #there are too many them #gotham’s favorite fam #defend the waynes #i love waynes so much #like all these #they are so much more than what media shows them to be_

**_546,234 notes]_ **

 

 **Janny B** _@jannybravo_

@dicktective @yaboitim @ilikegreen @cassiewhines @truewayneheir @RealBruceWayne RT: @davefries “#defendourwaynes #waynekids #hereforwaynes

 _[an image of a tumblr post reblogged by_ **_dawaynes_ ** _from_ **_whyschneeze_ ** _written by_ **_batmansbutt_ ** _]_

 

 **Stephanie Brown** _@purpleranger_

#defendourwaynes because @cassiewhines is an angel and doesn't deserve your jokes about her

_[An image of Cassandra with a blonde woman, her laughing face immortalized in the photo. They were in a club. Sweats trickled their face. The colors flashing reflected in the photo.]_

 

 **Vincent Croft** _@realvincentcroft_

since rn we #defendourwaynes I'll just sneak in and say that as someone who went to school with @yaboitim he may be an airhead but he is stronger than what he seems to be 1/2

 

 **Vincent Croft** _@realvincentcroft_

he doesnt know how to keep our d&d party alive but he does know how to keep a class alive when there are emergencies like fire or #villainofdayattack so yeah #defendourwaynes 2/2

 

 **Marvs** _@marsvins_

#defendourwaynes because @dicktective is the nicest man and cop ever but he was still a cop and he’s scary to baddies despite how nice he is to victims and peeps

 

 **batqueen** _@nanabatqueen_

#defendourwaynes because back when i was having a panic attack in the middle of a cafe, no one helped me except for @RealBruceWayne who knew what to do and threatened to sue the asshole videotaping me.

 

 **Kate Kane** _@lesbiankane_

@RealBruceWayne #defendourwaynes because no one messes with my family unless they want to face my guns

_[An image of a large bicep flexing.]_

\----

 **Miranda Tate** _@realmirandatate_

#defendourwaynes @truewayneheir

_[An image of a toddler reading a hardbound book that with the cover raised up to show the ‘Odysses’. He gave a grin to the camera. It was an adorable picture.]_

 

 **Cathryn Doyle** _@catdoyle_

@realmirandatate omg is that @truewayneheir??? how do you have that?????????

 

 **Katja Barnes** _@katbarnes_

@realmirandatate there hasnt been any pik of #babywayne being a baby how?????

 

 **Miranda Tate** _@realmirandatate_

#defendourwaynes @ilikegreen

_[An image of a person who seems to be Jason Todd wearing a black rimmed glasses. He was wearing a toga and holding out a diploma with three medals on him. He seemed to have graduated from university.]_

 

 **Natalia Johnson** @ _natatarat_

@realmirandatate who are you??? #whoismirandatate

 

 **Miranda Tate** _@realmirandatate_

#defendourwaynes @ilikegreen

_[An image of what seems to be a sleeping Jason Todd while he was sitting in what seems to be a dining table, a number of papers, books and colored pen strewn messily on the table.]_

 

 **Miranda Tate** _@realmirandatate_

#defendourwaynes @ilikegreen

_[An image of Jason Todd wearing what seemed to be training clothes. He was splayed on the ground. He was sweating and panting, a beautiful image presented.]_

 

 **jaydaddy** _@cindysins_

@realmirandatate howww??? #whoismirandatate

 

 **Coby Carter** _@carrrterr_

#whoismirandatate and can i ask for more jason pics

 

 **Samuel Wyatt** _@samwhy_

#whoismirandatate and these are definitely #jasonlostyears and how does she have em

 

 **Bernadette Brians** _@berniebees_

#whoismirandatate and why is everyone focused on the jason todd post when she also had a baby pic of #babywayne

\---

**Before #whoismirandatate**

**Miranda Tate** _@realmirandatate_

Woman and Mother

_joined February 2018_

5 posts 2 followings 0 followers

 

**After #whoismirandatate**

**Miranda Tate** _@realmirandatate_

Woman and Mother

_joined February 2018_

5 posts 2 followings 10.5k followers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can pester me in Tumblr, it's cool: I'm [Eulphy](https://eulphy.tumblr.com/)


	11. #whoismirandatate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the Gothamites are confused and we have the #whoismirandatate trending but also she justs goes #yolo

**Todd** _ @ilikegreen _

@realmirandatate wtf why do you have that!?!?!?

 

**Bruce Wayne** _ @RealBruceWayne _

@realmirandatate you and I are having a long talk

 

**Miranda Tate** _ @realmirandatate _

@RealBruceWayne

_ [A short video clip trimmed to show a beautiful brown woman in a bikini and draped in a furred bathrobe that seemed to be fitting for that young widower of an old rich white guy that died under mysterious circumstances. She wore a large sunglasses and had a martini with a pink umbrella. She took a sip and then looked at the camera with a smirk on her face. The background was from Riverdale’s “Karma’s a bitch” and a funky sort of mix.] _

 

**Bruce Wayne** _ @RealBruceWayne _

@realmirandatate

_ [A video clipped of Bruce Wayne wearing a dapper suit and in the middle of a pool. He was parting the water, as if trying to look for something. The water was waist level. There was a background music of “We are the Champions”. His voice was then heard, “I can't find the fuck I was supposed to give”.] _

 

**Dick Grayson** _ @dicktective _

@realmirandatate @RealBruceWayne shit just hit the fan

 

**Quentin Alexander** _ @batarang002 _

@RealBruceWayne and @realmirandatate know each other!??? #whoismirandatate help

\---

**Vicki Vale** _ @vickivale _

#whoismirandatate trends in Twitter while the #WayneKids refuse to comment on the account, @RealBruceWayne and @realmirandatate tagged each other in a post that spoke of previous acquaintance.

_ [A screenshotted image of Miranda Tate’s post with her smirk caught in the image and Bruce Wayne’s post with the video of him in the pool frozen.] _

 

**Happy Porter** _ @happyporter _

@vickivale has anyone actually researched about #whoismirandatate

 

**Erica Jimenez** _ @littlelatinamermaid _

@vickivale #whoismirandatate is she jason’s kind savior and if so how did she get baby damian’s pic

 

**Katja Barnes** _ @katbarnes _

@vickivale did no one think that #whoismirandatate may as well be a creepy pap or smt

 

**Happy Porter** _ @happyporter _

@katbarnes @vickivale but Bruce Wayne knows her apparently, esp based on their posts

 

**Ryan Ethan** _ @raybabe _

Here me out. I have a #tatetheory on #whoismirandatate and its that she is Bruce Wayne’s ex who saved Jason ???? 1/?

 

**Ryan Ethan** _ @raybabe _

#tatetheory #whoismirandatate 12:14 https://youtu.be/X41ArlJVNYc  2/?

_ [An image of Jason Todd sitting in what seems to be a panel board of sorts with Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson beside him. Below it says  _ **_Waynes on #unveilthemysterywayne and Jason Todd_ ** _.] _

 

**Ryan Ethan** _ @raybabe _

#tatetheory #whoismirandatate Jason:  I was taken in by this kind woman who nursed me back to health. [...] She was a kind woman. Although, yeah, she had moments of total bitchiness, but don’t we all. 3/?

 

**Ryan Ethan** _ @raybabe _

#tatetheory #whoismirandatate Jason: And then, years later, I left Ethiopia. I was in London, because that kind woman was rich and she sent me there to study. 4/?

 

**Ryan Ethan** _ @raybabe _

#tatetheory #whoismirandatate And everyone knows that Wayne has  1000 exes and it’s not implausible that she’s another one of his. Probs one he left and then she found Jason and hid him from Wayne as revenge or smt.

 

**Ryan Ethan** _ @raybabe _

#tatetheory #whoismirandatate And that’s basically my thesis on the theory of Miranda Tate being the one to save Jason Todd but also being Wayne’s ex boo. 6/6

 

**Amanda Banana** _ @redrobinyummm _

@raybabe needs more proof. #whoismirandatate having #babywayne’s photo alongside #jasontodd. very stalkerish. also, finish your goddamn thesis instead of doing this shit.

 

**Ryan Ethan** _ @raybabe _

@redrobinyummm but the interaction between Wayne and Tate in their posts certainly proves that it isn’t just a passing acquaintance. #stopcallingmeout

 

**Amanda Banana** _ @redrobinyummm _

@raybabe not enough proof. #theorydebunked

 

**Ryan Ethan** _ @raybabe _

@redrobinyummm I’m going to be gathering up proofs. Be warned. #whoismirandatate #detectiveryan

 

**ayyy papi** _ @travisjyork _

@redrobinyummm and @raybabe out there acting like another ver of the #TatevsWayne haha #sexualtension #icannot #areyoutwotogether #gettogetherpls

 

**Amanda Banana** _ @redrobinyummm _

@travisjyork @raybabe bitch im gay af and my girlfriend is prettier than any of you can ever hope to be

_ [An image of a white girl with long blonde hair in the arms of a laughing brunette woman as she emulated Miranda Tate and drink blue gatorade from a martini glass with a pink umbrella.] _

 

**Ryan Ethan** _ @raybabe _

@travisjyork @redrobinyumm How dare you? My babes are clearly the prettiest #injustice

_ [An image of a tall thin man with dark curly hair posing like Will Smith and he looked serious as he presented a small brunette with pink stripes on her hair with an exasperated look on her face and a Korean man with silver dyed hair with an adorable smile on his face.] _

 

**Susan Borne** _ @sueborn _

@raybabe so which one is your actual gf or bf? #urallpretty

 

**Amanda Banana** _ @redrobinyummm _

@sueborne poly couples exist, susan, and those three have been going at it strong adn steady for 2 yrs now

 

**Susan Borne** _ @sueborn _

@redrobinyummm well no need for the snark

 

**ayyy papi** _ @travisjyork _

its not gay if its threeway lol

 

**Ryan Ethan** _ @raybabe _

@travisjyork first of all, fight me. second of all, Bruce Wayne, the dad of Gotham, is disappointed in you and your words. third of all, it is still very very gay even if its a sandwich bish

_ \--- _

**Miranda Tate** _ @realmirandatate _

@RealBruceWayne @ilikegreen Where were you when he graduated college?

_ [An image of the beautiful brown woman that was clearly Miranda Tate. There was a watermark on the bottom that dated it 3 years ago. She looked the same except for the fact that her hair was cut short here. Beside her was someone who could only be a younger Jason Todd. He was wearing a toga and black rimmed glasses. He was holding a diploma while his previous three medals were now around Miranda Tate’s neck. He was also beaming with pride at the camera.] _

 

**Bruce Wayne** _ @RealBruceWayne _

@realmirandatate @ilikegreen Grieving because I thought my son was dead.

 

**Todd** _ @ilikegreen _

@realmirandatate WHY WOULD YOU EVEN

 

**Todd** _ @ilikegreen _

@RealBruceWayne WOULD YOU TWO STOP

 

**Tim Drake** _ @yaboitim _

lol. the fam’s just here watching the trainwreck

_ [An image of a bowl of popcorn.] _

\---

**Bruce Wayne** _ @RealBruceWayne _

@realmirandatate Where were you on @truewayneheir’s first day of school?

_ [An image of a beaming Bruce Wayne wearing a fancy ass Armani suit kneeling beside a grumpy Damian Wayne wearing Gotham Academy standard uniform. Bruce Wayne was flashing a peace sign while the younger boy was pouting.] _

 

**Miranda Tate** _ @realmirandatate _

@RealBruceWayne Not there, obviously.

 

**Damian Wayne** _ @truewayneheir _

@RealBruceWayne @realmirandatate I implore you both. Cease this nonsense.

\---

**Miranda Tate** _ @realmirandatate _

@RealBruceWayne @truewayneheir Where were you?

_ [A photo of a small brown baby looking absolutely harmless. He was in the arms of a brown woman, hair sticking on her forehead. She was smiling proudly at the baby.] _

 

**Bruce Wayne** _ @RealBruceWayne _

@realmirandatate @truewayneheir NOT THERE BECAUSE I NEVER KNEW

 

**Miranda Tate** _ @realmirandatate _

@RealBruceWayne Cease your useless excuses

\---

**Ryan Ethan** _ @raybabe _

#whoismirandatate #tatetheory can you all believe my theory actually has merits? I am living.

_ [A screenshot of Miranda Tate’s post with a photo of (who seems to be) a baby Damian Wayne.] _

 

**Amanda Banana** _ @redrobinyummm _

@raybabe no one likes a know-it-all

\---

**Vicki Vale** _ @vickivale _

Gotham Gazette is looking into the identity of #MirandaTate and her relations to the Wayne boys.  [ http://gothamgazette.com/post/7329492/Miranda+Tate+ ](http://gothamgazette.com/post/7329492/Miranda+Tate+) .....

_ [An image from the Miranda Tate post of a woman with a baby on her arms and beside it was the image of a woman besides a young Jason Todd. _

\---

**Dorothy** _ @witchkiller _

@ilikegreen @truewayneheir @RealBruceWayne @dukeofthomas @cassiewhines @dicktective @yaboitim #whoismirandatate

 

**William James** _ @willbill _

@RealBruceWayne @dukeofthomas @cassiewhines @dicktective @yaboitim @ilikegreen @truewayneheir #whoismirandatate #weneedanswers

 

**Cass is the BEST WAYNE** _ @nightwingsdings _

@RealBruceWayne @dukeofthomas @cassiewhines @dicktective @yaboitim @ilikegreen @truewayneheir please tell us #whoismirandatate PLEASEEEE

 

**Conner Kent** _ @theCONman _

Can we stop pushing the #WayneKids to tell us #whoismirandatate because maybe they like their privacy

 

**Hannah Marie** _ @marrrrrrhan _

@theCONman babe they obvs dont theyre fighting in twitter they have no privacy

 

**Mammia** _ @gargantuam _

@theCONman they’re pretty much public figures. They don’t have privacy.

 

**Natalia Johnson** _ @natararat _

@theCONman has good points and the Waynes need their privacy. This seems like a big issue that everyone is oversimplifying.

 

**Natalia Johnson** _ @natararat _

#giveWaynestheirprivacy2k18

**\---**

**Miranda Tate** _ @realmirandatate _

#whoismirandatate #hint

_ [An image of a brown woman with a beautiful smile. She had her hair tied in a loose bun with white hair pins on them. She was showing off her black backless dress while she looked back at the camera. She actually looked younger than the sexy woman in the first Miranda Tate video or the photo of her with either of the Wayne boys. She looked as if she was in her mid-20s. Her background was a Wayne party, it seemed.] _

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can pester me in Tumblr, it's cool: I'm [Eulphy](https://eulphy.tumblr.com/)


	12. #TateTheory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I create a #TateTheory from outsider's POV... as someone who procrastinated on her undergraduate thesis by writing a different academic paper on something unrelated, I feel you, bro.

**Gotham Gazette** _@gothamgazette_

#MirandaTate spotted with #JasonTodd in an upscale restaurant in Metropolis [ http://bit.ly/As34d ](http://bit.ly/As34d)

_[A picture obviously taken by a smartphone. It was of Jason Todd sitting in front of a woman who could only be Miranda Tate]_

\---

 **Ryan Ethan** _@raybabe_

@redrobinyummm @vickivale @gothamgazette #TateTheory #Proof I did a thing [ http://thebisexualbat.tumblr.com/post/1001293124/Miranda-Tate-and-the-Waynes-Theory ](http://thebisexualbat.tumblr.com/post/1001293124/Miranda-Tate-and-the-Waynes-Theory)

**Amanda Banana** _@redrobinyummm_

@raybabe no one likes a know-it-all

 **Amanda Banana** _@redrobinyummm_

@raybabe and also what the actual fuck finish your undergraduate thesis the deadline’s on april

\---

 **ryangooselings** reblogged from **freegotham2kever**

**thebisexualbat**

**Miranda Tate and the Waynes Theory**

So, instead of finishing the chapter 4 of my thesis, I did a research on the Gotham trending issue of Miranda Tate and her relation to the Wayne family. I’m fairly certain anyone who has been in twitter or is from Gotham tripped over the whole issue. But to all those who don’t know the Tate thing: here here here here here

Now that we all have the whole backstory of the issue, we’re going on my theory and I have proofs. I have proofs and citations and oh my god, I can and will defend this thesis of mine. Someone cleaned anything from the net and I know that Wayne has the money to do that (I think Tate can do it too) but hah, check it out, basic btches, I’m not procrastinating for my undergraduate thesis for nothing

_[A picture of a bunch of yellowed newspapers. There were copies from Gotham Gazette and even from magazines like Gotham Gossip and Times Magazine, and even newspapers from London like The Times and Daily Mail]_

**_Note: the ones with * means I’m inferring okay, it aint canon_ **

**Wayne Timeline**

1999 - Bruce returned to Gotham after years abroad / He took in Dick Grayson

2000 - Miranda appeared in Gotham high society for the first time

_[ A picture of Gotham Gossip article from the 2000s with a photograph of Miranda Tate wearing a red spaghetti strap shirt and striped asymmetrical skirt. The article talked about her as a heiress of a big middle eastern company. The magazine applauded her style and beauty.]_

2001 - Miranda Tate was named part of the Times Influential Women

_[ A picture of a Times Magazine from the 2000 with a photograph of her in a beautiful backless dress and naming her as top 43 of the Top 100 Influential of 2001. The article called as a humanitarian and a preserver of environment, culture and heritage. There’s a quote from her about how it doesn’t matter how many times people shame her for her un-American ways because she wasn’t going to change herself for anyone and that she was proud of her heritage.]_

2002 - Miranda and Bruce start dating

2003 to 2005 - Miranda and Bruce’s relationship progress

_[ Four pictures of different articles. One was from Gotham Gazette, written by Vicki Vale herself about Bruce calling Miranda his new flavor of the month. It was dated April of 2003. The next picture was another article from Vicki Vale, this one seems to be from 6 months later. The article was talking about how Bruce seems to actually be serious about Miranda. There were even allusions to marriage. Another article dated August 2004 in a Wayne party. She was by Bruce Wayne’s arms and the two looked every inch of a power couple.]_

September 2005 - Miranda Tate leaves Gotham

_[ An article from Gotham Gossip speculating about the Miranda and Bruce break up because she was seen leaving the country without Bruce to see her off. Another article from Gotham Gossip this time with Bruce’s answer to the previous article. Apparently, Miranda had a family emergency and it doesn’t mean that they broke up.]_

November 2005 - Bruce Wayne leaves Gotham to go to Morocco in which he and Miranda are seen together again

_[ A Gotham Gazette article on the topic and another with a photo of him and Miranda in Moroccan restaurant.]_

* November 2005 - Damian Wayne’s conception, probably

December 2005 - Bruce Wayne returns to Gotham without Miranda

January 2006 - Bruce Wayne announces his and Miranda Tate’s break up.

August 2006 - Damian Wayne’s birth (that Bruce doesn’t know about lol)

September 2006 - Bruce Wayne takes in 12 years old Jason Todd

October 2006 - The Social Services takes Jason and Natalia Knight adopted Jason and Bruce Wayne fights for him

December 2006 - Bruce Wayne formally adopts Jason Todd

January 2007 - Miranda Tate returns to Gotham for a New Year’s party but leaves again

_[ An article from Gotham Gossip about the return of Wayne’s ex and speculation of a repeat of their relationship. There was a picture of her in a fierce red gown. She looks like every bit of a Queen besides Bruce Wayne, both seems to be amiable with each other.]_

April 2007 - Miranda Tate and Bruce Wayne meets again in a Luthor Corporation party.

 _[_ _A photograph of Miranda Tate in a white dress talking with Bruce Wayne with Lex Luthor in the middle with a caption: source: Gotham Gossip.]_

June 2007 - Miranda Tate in a Wayne party

_[ A photograph of her sipping wine as she was talking besides an animated Jason Todd in a corner and another photograph of her with a glaring Dick Grayson, trying to push his brother behind him. The photograph had an article below it from Gotham Gossip.]_

(I couldn’t find anymore articles about her from July 2007 till the new ones that are appearing right now)

April 2011 - Jason Todd’s fake death *Miranda presumably saves him

(again, there’s really no news article I could find)

*May 2015 - Jason Todd graduates from University

September 2016 - Damian Wayne arrives on the Wayne doorstep

February 2018 - the Tate vs Wayne twitter war

**Additional**

_[ A picture of Miranda Tate with a cool smirk on her face. Beside it was a cropped picture of Damian Wayne smirking.]_

Miranda Tate and her son: 96% look-a-like

_[A cropped picture of a woman in a two piece suit taken from Damian Wayne’s twitter and beside it was a picture taken from a magazine of Miranda Tate in a two piece suit, looking fierce and beautiful at the same time.]_

Damian Wayne’s mother from his height comparison post and a picture of Miranda Tate looking exactly like that woman even from behind taken from Gotham Gossip.

**Conclusion:**

Miranda Tate is Bruce Wayne’s ex (proof presented) and Damian’s mother who saved Jason (need confirmation).

**Problem with Theory:**

Where was she when Damian arrived in Gotham in 2016?? Theory is she was with Jason but why didn’t she take her son back? Or even say anything before? Was there any drama behind the scenes we don’t know?

Why didn’t she return Jason???

Why did everyone seem to have forgotten her? She was in fucking TIMES as an influential woman okay???????? What the fuck????

Vicki Vale, you wrote an article about her, shading her and then you forgot her? What the heck?

Mom, you follow the Waynes? Why the fuck don’t you remember her????? You drool over Bruce Wayne and his many conquests what the fuck???

 **dailywaynes** added:

Another good question: How did Bruce Wayne or Miranda Tate managed to wipe up her existence? And why the heck is she back?

 **captainmarvelicious** added:

For plot reasons, Susan, because we need those baby Wayne and Jason Todd pics.

 **thebatcatbaby** added:

Actually, we do need answers. But maybe the answer is she misses her son. I mean, Bruce Wayne pretty much outed their son (????) as alive and she probably doesn’t have much communication with either of her son because I have a theory there was Wayne money and lawyers involved and probably some official law thing that stopped her from communicating directly with her son which is why she uses twitter as a platform.

 **nocapes** added:

Now you’re just pulling things outta thin air.

_Source: thebisexualbat_

_#waynefam #wayne family #tate theory #miranda tate #bruce wayne #what the actual fuck there was drama in there #i thought the waynedashians were just some fun fam #there was drama in there what the hell #waynedashians more like wayneshakespeare tragedy_

**259,412 notes**

\---

 **Tim Drake** _@yaboitim_

@raybabe Finish your thesis

 **Ryan Ethan** _@raybabe_

@yaboitim a Wayne replied

_[A gif of Kermit the frog flailing]_

\---

 **Vicki Vale** _@vickivale_

@raybabe I am as shook as you are, young man.

_[ An image of different Gotham Gazette newspapers from the early 2000s with Miranda Tate and Bruce Wayne in the headlines. There was another picture beside it that was focused on one of the articles with Vicki Vale’s name on the byline.]_

**Vicki Vale** _@vickivale_

It was years and years ago and I’m looking at all my notes and archives for information about her.

_[An image of Vicki Vale’s upturned desk and thousand of notebooks flipped open.]_

\---

 **Miranda Tate** _@realmirandatate_

@RealBruceWayne

_[A photo of Miranda Tate with Jason Todd. She was embracing him and he reciprocated the gesture. He had an exasperate yet fond look on his eyes. Her eyes, however, stared at the camera and it spoke of a challenge.]_

**Bruce Wayne** _@RealBruceWayne_

@realmirandatate

_[A photo of Bruce smiling smugly as he carried Damian on a piggyback style as he talked animatedly, clearly unaware of the camera.]_

**Dick Grayson** _@dicktective_

@realmirandatate @RealBruceWayne You 2 need to growup #iwin

 _[A selfie of Dick Grayson with his siblings. Cass was making a funny face at the camera. Jason was grinning beside her. Duke was smiling beside Dick. Tim was dabbing at the corner. Dick had an exasperated Damian by a headlock.]_  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can pester me in Tumblr, it's cool: I'm [Eulphy](https://eulphy.tumblr.com/)  
> I'm also at twitter again btw


	13. #whereisjason

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which we take a break from Tate v Wayne: Dawn of the Parents because even I think they need to chill

**Todd** _ @ilikegreen _

Since everyone is hounding me about @realmirandatate I decided I'm going to lay low. Pretend I'm dead again. See you suckers later.

**Tim Drake** _ @yaboitim _

@ilikegreen you fudger

**Thomas Heights** _ @talltommy _

WAIT IS THIS FOR REAL???????????

**Natalia Johnson** _ @natararat _

@talltommy I think it is

**Thomas Heights** _ @talltommy _

#whereisjason????

\---

**dukeofthomas**

_ [Jason just peaced out of the drama] _

There was a picture of a note. It was actually a very nice handwriting. It was a slanted cursive writing. It read (and it was a little hard to read): “Gone south with chillins. Don't contact me unless someone dies. In case of emergency call HJ he'll redirect you to someone who'll redirect to me. Don't bother MR.”

\---

**2x olympic gold** _ @yuzufan _

@ilikegreen just upped and left because of the drama. Everyone needs to chill tf out.

**Georgia Andrews** _ @ARMYgal21 _

Does anyone know #whereisjason?

**HAMILTRASH BBY** _ @hamilbabytrash _

@ARMYgal21 Haven't you heard? He's dead again.

_ [A screenshot of his earlier tweet. It was specifically highlighted on the “ _ I decided I'm going to lay low. Pretend I'm dead again. See you suckers later.’ _ ] _

\---

**dukeofthomas**

_ [Trying to find Jay and drag his ass back to Gotham] _

It was a short video of Dick that was surreptitiously taken. He was pacing and the mic could pick up on him ranting to the other person on the line, “I know you know where he is. I'm not trying to force him to-- no. I just need to know if he's safe and not with--” A pause and, “Obviously Jay’s not with him since he's not even in fucking--” he cut himself off when he finally noticed the camera and his eyes narrowed before the video was cut.

\---

**Jonah Blue** _ @blueblood _

Ummmmmm #dickgrayson is actually kinda scary #ithoughthewastheniceone

**Karen Anne Santiago** _ @karanneago _

Whooo boy. Reminder that #DickGrayson was a police of Bludhaven for a year or so and it wasn't because he was pretty.

**Natalia Johnson** _ @natararat _

Dick: Obviously Jay’s not with him since he's not even in *beep* ????? Mystery BF??? Maybe Jay is abroad with him #whereisjason

\---

**Miranda Tate** _ @realmirandatate _

@RealBruceWayne Oh, he didn't tell you where he's going? Or answers your calls?

_ [An image of a manicured fingers holding a rose gold Iphone. It was opened in the logs and the names on the list only include Jason who called 2 hours ago. The rest of the names were blacked out.] _

**Bruce Wayne** _ @RealBruceWayne _

@realmirandatate Oh? Damian doesn't even want to talk to you???

**Miranda Tate** _ @realmirandatate _

@RealBruceWayne And whose fault is that?!

**Kyle** _ @goddessbastet _

@RealBruceWayne @realmirandatate You two need to chill the fuck up before I claw you both.

\---

**Rosa** _ @thirstybirosie _

@ilikegreen #whereisjason and are you okay?????

**Dana Vandom** _ @batgal42 _

@ilikegreen please come back to twitter even if you take a hiatus from gotham. we miss your lectures on lit shiz.

**Alice** _ @theviktuurious _

@ media can yall just chill the fuck out you made jason leave gotham with your invasion of privacy

\---

**Cass Wayne** _ @cassiewhines _

@RealBruceWayne phone has been confiscated. I'm very disappointed in you, Dad.

**Kyle** _ @goddessbastet _

OOOOOOOOHHHHH!!!! RT: @cassiewhines “@RealBruceWayne phone has been confiscated.I'm very disappointed in you, Dad.”

\---

**dukeofthomas**

_ [Jason sends a postcard] _

There was a video of Duke flipping the thing. It was a picture, actually. The front was a picture of an island, complete with the coconut trees. There was a picture of Jason in a Hawaiian print shirt. On his left was a bombshell redhead in a bikini with sunglasses and on his right was another redhead with a trucker cap on. Behind it were the words. “Finished the thing. All good. Taking a break w my chillins.” There were two other handwritings - one was a chicken scratch (“Sup Dickhead and the rest of em fam”) and the other was a circular cursive  (“Jason is safe, do not worry, Richard.”)

“That fucker lied to me.” Dick’s voice can be heard from outside the frame.

\---

**jaydaddy** _ @cindysins _

@ilikegreen is he your bf?

_ [A screenshot from Duke’s snapchat post. The picture was zoomed in and cropped. There was a pink circle on the redhead man’s face.] _

**Coby Carter** _@carrrterr_

@cindysins No. I saw a pic of his bf and nope.

**jaydaddy** _ @cindysins _

@carrrterr DEETS

**Coby Carter** _@carrrterr_

@cindysins I love you but no. He trusted me so nope.

**jaydaddy** _ @cindysins _

@realvincentcroft HALP your bf is being mean

**Vincent Croft** _ @realvincentcroft _

@cindysins First of all, let us all allow Jason his privacy. Second of all, bitch shut the fuck up my boy said no and no means no.

**Tim Drake** _ @yaboitim _

@cindysins @realvincentcroft lol.

\---

**Marianne Hollander** _ @marihollidays _

@raybabe we need your research skills #whereis jason

**Amanda Banana** _ @redrobinyummm _

@marihollidays the idiot is unavailable atmo

_ [A picture of a man with curly hair sleeping in a bed that was buried in papers, books, binders, sticky notes, and such.] _

**Amanda Banana** _ @redrobinyummm _

@marihollidays we confiscated his phone and locked him out of twitter atmo

_ \--- _

**Tim Drake** _ @yaboitim _

#TatevWayne #DawnoftheParents #CustodyBattle @truewayneheir they like jay more than you lol

**Damian Wayne** _ @truewayneheir _

@yaboitim Meet me behind the diner near Gotham Academy and we shall duel. 

**Duke Thomas** _ @dukeofthomas _

@dicktective you need to take all of your fams phone because you all are PR nightmare.

**Dick Grayson** _ @dicktective _

@dukeofthomas and you aren't helping

\---

**Todd** _ @ilikegreen _

Me and the chillins

_ [A picture of Jason wearing his leather jacket instead of those Hawaiian print shirts. The tall bombshell from before was still wearing her sunglasses but instead of her bikini she was wearing a crop top and denim shorts. The redhead guy was in printed t-shirt and ripped jeans. He was wearing a different trucker hat from the earlier photos. Their background is what seems to be a nightlife with flashing lights and people dancing.] _

**Dick Grayson** _ @dicktective _

@ilikegreen You need to get your ass back here because B is going at it w T and its WW3 here and its ur fault.

**Todd** _ @ilikegreen _

@dicktective

_ [A short video of Jason sipping coconut juice straight from the source (complete with the tiny pink umbrella). He was wearing the sunglasses that the woman was wearing earlier and even without seeing his eyes everyone can feel the challenge and ‘I don't care’ attitude from him.] _

**Dick Grayson** _ @dicktective _

@ilikegreen You need better influence than T

\---

**Darth Froggie** _ @frogcine _

HAHAHAHHAHAHA #waynefam #TatevWayne

_ [There were two videos that were reposted. One was from Miranda’s first homewrecker post and the other was Jason’s own post earlier with the coconut.] _

**cass fangirl** _ @lesbiangoth _

Mom and son RT @dicktective “@ilikegreen You need better influence than T”


	14. #waynesandthereds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kori and Roy makes Gothamites do research again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what is plot someone tell me what i'm doing lol... anyway, i think we all need a break from #dawnoftheparents and thus, we start roasting dick, i think.

**arkytiortyler** reblogged from **killmeownger**

_[A picture of a redhead woman with short hair  who seems to be in her mid to late 20s talking to Bruce Wayne, or more aptly - plying him with booze] [A picture of a redhead woman in a wheelchair who was seen together with Dick Grayson]_

_[A picture of a red head young man with freckles showing off as he laughs with Dick Grayson in a fastfood restaurant] [A picture of a tall buxom redhead woman in a sunglasses and a white sundress on Dick Grayson’s arms. Dick Grayson himself wore his hair in a mullet]_

_[A picture of the same woman in her sunglasses and bikini grinning beside Jason Todd in a beach] [A picture of a red head man with a trucker cap and tattoos on his arm. His arms were thrown around Jason as he was shown to be laughing and Jason rolled his eyes at him with fond exasperation]_

_[A picture of a red head young man catching the nuts that  Tim Drake was throwing at his direction] [A picture of Damian Wayne, who had stripped out of his stuffy Gotham Academy blazer and had his dress shirt rolled up, smiling at a young redhead boy in too big plaid shirt sitting in the grass]_

**thewinefamilyfam**

30 Days of Wayne Family: Redheads

**bonus:**

_[An picture of Bruce Wayne with Vicki Vale, her red hair done up. They were in a Wayne Party and seemed to be talking with wine glasses on their hand.]_

**skullpoopl** added

Gosh, at least name them beautiful people goshiness (left to right, up to down)

Kate Kane the Wayne's gay cousin and a former military woman herself who has been outspoken in her status as a Lesbian woman. 

Barbara Gordon the Commissioner Gordon’s daughter who was a victim of the Joker’s attack and fought for her life, survived, and is an advocate of disabled people / anti-ableism and Dick Grayson’s ex-girlfriend

Wally West related to Barry (absolutely best boy and if you don't know him, don't talk to me or look at my Barry Allen tag) Allen through marriage (you lucky woman, Iris West) and is also Dick Grayson’s best friend

Kori Anders a foreign ex-model who isn’t just a pretty face but is also a believer of freedom, environment, and cultural preservation and formerly Dick Grayson’s girlfriend and apparently, a close friend of Jason Todd (she doesn’t have much media presence since Dick Grayson called it quits with her -- good boy Dick also have so much scandal lol)

Roy Harper aka Oliver Queen’s ward and also a friend of both Dick Grayson and Jason Todd

Bart Allen aka Barry (I saw a man saw beautiful I cried) Allen’s cousin (???) who had 80% of Barry Allen’s beauty and 100% of his cinnamon rollness and Tim Drake’s other bff

the kid with Damian Wayne isn’t really named since Damian bit a reporter who tried to ambush the boy and/or asked about him but we know he’s Damian very best friend and this little prince is very protective of him

**spacegayprincess**

And I need answers why the fuck they have so much red heads close to them

 **morelovelesssmut** added

psh dont your family have any red head collections??? psh its prob cuz you aint a wayne lol

**casswayne-fc**

The Waynes have very specific fetish, huh? Maybe I should dye my hair red.

_Source: thewinefamilyfam_

_#redheads #the waynes #wayne family #i swear to god this fam is wild #waynes: daddytm #waynes: cuff me officer #waynes: died and back #waynes: tim who #waynes: do not fite baby #i love skullpoopl’s love for barry allen because i too think this science nerd is too beautiful for this world #barry allen_

**467,998 notes**

**\---**

**Yui Miyamura** _@yuyubearm_

#WayneKids @RealBruceWayne @dicktective @ilikegreen @yaboitim @truewayneheir @cassiewhines @gingerbarbie @thelesbiankane does anyone know what kori anders’ handle https://locallesbian.tumblr.com/spacegayprincess-skullpoopl-thewinefamilyfam-30-days-of-wayne

 **Hailey Malfoy-Potter** _@drarrylovechild_

@dicktective why are you collecting redheads? ie barbara gordon, kori anders, wally west, roy harper??????

 **Tim Drake** _@yaboitim_

@drarrylovechild @dicktective take your fetish 14382394 feet away from me.

 **Dick Grayson** _@dicktective_

@yaboitim say goodbye to your ps4

 **Tim Drake** _@yaboitim_

@dicktective first of all, how dare, second of all, try me

 **Dick Grayson** _@dicktective_

@yaboitim No laptops

 **Tim Drake** _@yaboitim_

@dicktective I have a lot of backups.

_[A gif of a smug person with a caption ‘watchu gonna do’]_

**Dick Grayson** _@dicktective_

@yaboitim NO CON OR BART

 **Tim Drake** _@yaboitim_

@dicktective what the actual heck

 **Conner Kent** _@theCONman_

@dicktective NO CONNER???????????

 **Stephanie Brown** _@purpleranger_

@dicktective @yaboitim @theCONman @barthematics

_[A short video of Dick screaming ‘No Kon!’ and a louder scream from Tim of ‘NO KON?!’ and hyena laughters that when the video pans it was on Cass laughing  her ass off and almost falling out of the chair.]_

**Mara Anne** _@marniegels_

#WayneKids What the heck is going on in your house omfg

**\---**

**Dana Brown** _@kpopping43_

@dicktective @ilikegreen @yaboitim @truewayneheir @cassiewhines but what is with your fam’s redhead fetish????

 **Damian Wayne** _@truewayneheir_

@kpopping First, do not lump me with the likes of Drake and Grayson. Second, I do not know why you would even dare.

 **Hannah Tristan** _@ofchannahtris_

@truewayneheir What about your redhead friend?

_[A picture of Damian’s redhead friend, laughing beside Damian.]_

**_[comment deleted]_ Damian Wayne ** _@truewayneheir_

@ofchannahtris I’ll sue you.

\---

 **Elaine Geoff** _@elgossips_

@dicktective we actually do need to know more about what happened to kori anders. i mean, everyone remembers how she quit modelling and everyone was talking about you marrying her but then you called it quits and she just vanished https://gothamgossip.com/post/21/03/13/grayson-and-anders

 **Elaine Geoff** _@elgossips_

@dicktective also addition question: you and babs also had an almost marriage, right? are you guys getting back together?

 **Barbara Gordon** _@gingerbarbie_

@elgossips Short answer: No. Long answer: Ask either Roy or Jason about Kori. Also, hah! Me and Dick are never ever getting back together.

 **Dick Grayson** _@dicktective_

@gingerbarbie why are you responding????

**Barbara Gordon** _@gingerbarbie_

@dicktective If I say a longer answer, trust me: that’s going to be the PR craze and don’t backtalk to me, young man because I am #queen.

 **Elaine Geoff** _@elgossips_

@dicktective @gingerbarbie you are a queen and also tell us the longest answer

 **Stephanie Brown** _@purpleranger_

@elgossips @gingerbarbie @dicktective LONG ANSWER IS THEY AINT HAPPENING SO STOP PUSHING YOUR SHIP BECAUSE MY OTP IS HAPPENING

 **Elaine Geoff** _@elgossips_

@purpleranger TELL US WHO YOUR OTP IS

\---

 **Roy Harper** _@yoboyroy_

#waynesandthereds

_[A picture of Kori Anders in her sunglasses and crop top draped over Jason Todd’s shoulder. On his other side was Roy Harper with his tongue out and a peace sign.]_

**Barbara Gordon** _@gingerbarbie_

#WaynesandtheReds

_[A picture of Barbara Gordon with Wally West pushing her wheelchair. They were smiling towards the camera. A picture of Dick Grayson was on the tablet that Barbara Gordon was holding as if it was a picture from a funeral.]_

**Dick Grayson** _@dicktective_

Why was I not invited in this thing RT: ‘#WaynesandtheReds’ _[The picture from Barbara’s post]_

 **Tim Drake** _@yaboitim_

#WaynesandtheReds #takethatdickhead

_[A picture of Tim Drake, Bart Allen, and Conner Kent. All three were in a meme pose. Tim was crouching with his peace sign stretched forward and hiding his face. Bart Allen was dabbing in the corner. Conner Kent was lying on the floor ‘draw me like one of your French girls’ style.]_

**Kate Kane** _@thelesbiankane_

#WaynesandtheReds #TheOrigjnalWayneRed

_[A picture of Kate Kane smirking at the camera. Bruce Wayne was in the background, facepalming at his cousin’s actions.]_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can pester me in Tumblr, it's cool: I'm [Eulphy](https://eulphy.tumblr.com/)  
> I need pestering sometimes  
> Also, haha, I edited it because I forgot that Wally was JLA's Flash and not Barry lol. Is someone going to take my Red head credibility now.


	15. #itsdickday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which I am shook that I actually am updating since the draft has been sitting in my docs for months now. Thanks, college.

Retweeted by **_@dicktective_**

**Valerie** _ @valliegirl _

Happy Birthday @dicktective, Gotham’s Favorite Face! #itsdickday

_ [A group of image containing Dick Grayson; Dick grinning widely while wearing a large Ray Ban glasses without prescription; Dick seemed to be raking his hand through his wet hair, water dripping down his cheeks and his clothes clung to him like second skin; Dick was eating dry cereal straight from the carton without any shirt on, there was no light beyond the window so it was clearly evening; Dick making a peace sign towards the camera and he was wearing a police uniform.] _

 

**Geo** _ @gorgegeorge _

@dicktective After years of IHOP certificate gifts from your dad, has he finally bought the franchise? #itsdickday

 

**Dick Grayson** _ @dicktective _

@gorgegeorge Nope. But his birthday gift this year is different.

_ [ A gif of a man popping crackers with an ironic look on his face as the caption read, ‘Finally!’] _

 

**Fred Birch** _ @winniepoop _

@dicktective Happy Birthday to the Brightest smile in all of Gotham #itsdickday

 

**Dick Grayson** _ @dicktective _

@winniepoop wait, is it cass or steph’s birthday? Just kidding, thanks!!!!!!!

_ [A picture of Cass and Stephanie Brown smiling at the camera with cat and bunny ears respectively on their heads.] _

 

**#1 sinner** _ @gookiemonster _

@dicktective how did you and your fam celebrated your bday? tim didnt post any vids

 

**Dick Grayson** _ @dicktective _

@gookiemonster it’s cuz im not his fave TToTT

 

**Tim Drake** _ @yaboitim _

@dicktective you got that right

 

**Arabelle Ruiz** _ @hanyufeverific _

@dicktective Please tell us what your presents were this year #itsdickday

 

**Chawt Noir** _ @kittykatty _

@dicktective Did Bruce give you another IHOP gift certificate???? #itsdickday

 

**Chawt Noir** _ @kittykatty _

@dicktective what did your fam give you for your bday??????? #itsdickday

 

**Dick Grasyon** _ @dicktective _

#itsdickday Check out what they got me for this year

_ [Three photos were posted. One was a long shot of gifts unwrapped with many of the wrappers tossed at the side. It was edited to have names captioned there. The list went: A batman onesie with a purple Steph caption, a large basket of variety of cereals with a yellow Timmy caption, a piece of paper with what appears to be a ‘tickets’ of ‘Free Homemade Food’ with a bright red Jason caption, a humongous tower doll of the justice league stacked together like we bear bares with a yellow Cass caption, a brand new alarm clock with a sticky note that says ‘stop being late’ with a green Dami caption, and a superman pjs and socks with a gray Duke caption. The other photos were close ups of the gifts.] _

 

**Sam Honorato** _ @darcysbride _

@dicktective Happy BIRTHDAY PRECIOUS BBY BOY #ITSDICKDAY #WHYISGOTHAMLIKETHIS

 

**Chawt Noir** _ @kittykatty _

@dicktective WAYYYYT!!! wht did your dad give you as a gift

 

**Dick Grayson** _ @dicktective _

#itsdickday Happy Birthday Me!!!  [ http://bit.ly/5B7vulJ ](http://bit.ly/5B7vulJ)

\---

**Instagram**

**dicktective**

_ [A short video of the family singing a birthday song for Dick. There was a large cake in front of him, carefully made and obviously a five star kind of cake. As soon as Dick blew the candle, Stephanie and Tim pushed his face directly to the cake. There were loud cheers in the screen and a sound of sighing. What ensued was a large food fight with the kids scooping cakes and rubbing it to their siblings face. The camera, now with icing on the side and shaky in its taking, panned to the side to show Bruce Wayne with cake icing on his face and armani suit. His butler was by his side with a plate of cake that he overturned on Bruce’s head. Laughters abound in the room.] _

10.5k likes

**dicktective** I love my family. Thanks for anothrr year together.

19.9k comments

**boosclues** #bless the Wayne Butler

**j-todd** Screencapped for that wonderful face Bruce on Alfie’s betrayal

**dukeitout** The face of a man who has so many children and is done

**stephitup** Grampa joins the battle versus Dad lol

**timpossible**  we win this round

**eligoodboy** HAPPY BIRTHDAY DICK GRAYSON <3 <3 <3

\---

**Roy Harper** _ @yoboyroy _

Happy Birthday Bro @dicktective 

_ [A photo of Kori Anders and Roy Harper with a blue icing cake with the words, ‘Happy Bday Dickhead’ with a penis design on top. The photo was edited to have a stick figure with a caption of ‘Jason’ and under the picture was another caption of ‘Jason made this’ with an arrow directing to the cake.] _

 

**Wally West** _ @wizardofwest _

Happy Birthday to the best friend a guy could have. @dicktective Psst, it's also our friendship anniversary today.

_ [A photo of a wrapped box with a cat curled near it.] _

 

**Dick Grayson** _ @dicktective _

@wizardofwest #throwback to our kiddie days

_ [A picture of Dick’s open palm with a friendship bracelet that is fit for a kid’s wrist.] _

 

**Barbara Gordon** _ @gingerbarbie _

@dicktective @wizardofwest Guess who’s ready for bar hopping night? Happy Birthday!!!!

\---

**Anya Marie** _ @anyang _

@dicktective but what did bruce get you???

 

**hero queen marmar** _ @kweenmarmar _

@dicktective HAPPY BIRTHDAY SON

 

**Dick Grayson** _ @dicktective _

@kweenmarmar MOTHER!?!?!?

_ [A gif of the nyan cat with the caption ‘thank you’] _

 

**Chawt Noir** _ @kittykatty _

@dicktective #revealthebrucegift

 

**Todd** _ @ilikegreen _

@dicktective got a better gift than cass

 

**Evelyn** _ @everafter _

@dicktective @ilikegreen HOOOOOOWWWWWW????????

 

**Yoongi RP** _ @bbyyoongi _

@dukeofthomas @yaboitim JUST SPILL THE GIFT ALREADY HALPPPP

 

**Nina Cornelius** _ @saturnqueen _

@bbyyoongi Lol. Even RP accounts are agitated now haha.

 

**Dick Grayson** _ @dicktective _

Shhhhh. Chillax people.

 

**Dick Grayson** _ @dicktective _

Bruce finally gave me something other than IHOP gift certificate  [ http://bt.ly/iK3mJ1 ](http://bt.ly/iK3mJ1)

\---

**Youtube**

_ [A still of Dick Grayson grinning. It was edited to have a large caption of What’s Bruce’s gift? And emojis of party poppers and cakes.] _

_ 00:00/8:15 _

**Birthday Gifts! Wayne Edition ft Old Man Dick**

**1,100,789 views** **9.1k likes 3 dislikes**

**By timpossibledrake**

_ What you say? I didn’t post a vid immediately? On Dick’s birthday? Hah. Check out what’s Bruce’s gift for Dick who is growing older and older but still refusing to grow up. _

\---

**NOW PLAYING**

_ 4:01/8:15 _

“All right, it’s gifts time!” Tim shouts. The camera is passed and Tim shows up in the frame. They were in the dining room and covered in cake icing. Some wiped the cake off but others still had the remnants clinging on their hair and clothes.

“Oooh, Jay sent his gift today.” Stephanie says and shows a small envelope.

“Boo, can’t believe he didn’t even return for my birthday.” Dick says, but accepting the small envelope.

“Open it!”

Dick did and when he looks at the gift, he laughs. Tim can be heard asking to be show it. He turned it around and the camera zooms at the ‘tickets’ of free what Jason can do for him and the family is heard laughing.

“Ooh, since we started with Jay’s envelope, it’s time for Bruce’s envelope.” Tim laughs.

“Ah, yes, my IHOP gift certificate.” Dick says, blandly. “This better be a year round IHOP certificate.”

“Just open it.” Bruce was heard saying.

When Dick opened it and took the letter out. He reads it and afterwards, he freezes. There was a moment where he just pause before looking down at the letter and up at Bruce and back again. “Are you for real?”

“You did say you wanted to save them. I thought it would be better to give it as a gift rather than have you use your funds for it.” Bruce says.

“What is it?” Steph says.

The kids bundled around Dick and the camera moves to see the gift Bruce gave him. It was a deed naming Richard Grayson the owner of the Haly’s Circus.

“Whoa!” Steph whistles.

“Wait! Wasn’t this your previous--?” Damian is heard saying.

“Yeah.” Dick sounded nasal.

“They’re almost down in the ground, right?” Tim said. “Weren’t you gonna buy them out to save them?”

“Yeah.” The camera zooms out and focuses on Dick’s face. He was crying. It was actually unfair how pretty he looks despite the fact that he was crying.

“Is it better than my original plan on buying the share of IHOP?” Bruce says.

Dick stands and pretty much runs to Bruce’s side to hug him. There was a sound effect going ‘awwww’.

\---

**Chawt Noir** _ @kittykatty _

@dicktective @RealBruceWayne OMFG YOU GUYS IM CRYING

 

**Sam Honorato** _ @darcysbride _

@dicktective #itsdickday and hot damn I think Dick may be one of the favorites!!!!

 

**Tim Drake** _ @yaboitim _

@RealBruceWayne I’m expecting a better birthday gift than a harddrive this yr RT: ‘@dicktective #itsdickday and hot damn I think Dick may be one of the favorites!!!!’


	16. #royharper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which I say fuck you at current DC continuity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi
> 
> drops this and vanishes

**Todd** _@ilikegreen_

Roy is dead and nothing in the world matters.

 

 **Todd** _@ilikegreen_

He took everything that was bright and beautiful with him. All that is left is his imprint and the memories that pales in comparison.

 

 **Todd** _@ilikegreen_

He was the one that believed in me when no one else would.

 

 **Todd** _@ilikegreen_

He was so healthy. He was so happy. It is always the most beautiful flower that gets picked first.

 

**Barbara Gordon** _ @gingerbarbie _

@ilikegreen Condolence to you.

_ [Gif of the ‘sending a virtual hug’ animation] _

 

**Darcy William** _ @darcewillyou _

Omfg. So sorry for your loss. @ilikegreen

 

\---

 

 **ayyy papi** _@travisjyork_

dear gotham, jason todd has posted nothing but sad tweets about the loss of roy and i dnt need to be @raybabe to conclude that its roy harper

 

 **ayyy papi** _@travisjyork_

the only roy around jason todd is roy harper aka oliver queen son ward smt and his dearest bff from his prev tweets

 

 **ayyy papi** _@travisjyork_

so dear gotham, let's not bombard the grieving boy or else batman will take you all down. that is all.

 

\---

 

**Connor Hawke** _ @thehawkeye _

@ilikegreen I know Roy and I had our differences but condolence to you guys.

 

**Donna Troy** _ @princessdondon _

@ilikegreen @yoboyroy @klrnr TT○TT

_ [It was a black and white picture of Jason Todd, with his fluffy hair dyed purple, on the couch with Roy Harper. There was a hamster perched on Roy Harper’s open palms.] _

 

**Eddie Bloomberg** _ @theedsters _

@princessdondon @ilikegree  @yoboyroy @klrnr What? How? When? What do you mean our boy is gone? What???

 

**im not white** _ @klrnr _

@theedsters it happened too quickly. Jason’s going into emo-phase and I'm trying to stop him from going full emo rn.

 

**Kara Danvers** _ @superkara _

What's with the influx of “sorry for the loss of #royharper”????

 

\---

 

**STAR GOSSIP** _ @thestargossip _

BREAKING NEWS: the elusive #RoyHarper of the Star City’s Queen Family reported dead.

 

**STAR GOSSIP** _ @thestargossip _

All our hearts go to the #QueenFamily in this trying times.

 

\---

 

**Cass is the BEST WAYNE** _ @nightwingsdings _

Condolence to the #QueenFam for #royharper

 

**Janyanya** _ @janchups _

#royharper will always be remembered for more than what the media portrayed him as. He was a good man who made bad decisions in his youth but he made up for them through the years.

 

**We stan Loona** _ @frenchlesbian _

The Queens and #royharper had been at odds since the whole drugs thing but I still want to symphatize with the loss @starsqueen

 

**Watch #GOYO** _ @habeahs _

When we all thought #royharper was another rich boy on drugs and then his fucking glow up and now I'm crying

_ [A screenshot of an article reporting young Roy Harper found on drugs, beside it was another screenshot of roy’s twitter page with a healthy looking Roy and his toddler grinning at the camera.] _

 

**arrows are better than bats** _ @joydielyn _

Rest in Peace #royharper

_ [A photo of Roy Harper with his toddler hanging off his arms] _

 

**Charmaine Halliwell** _ @charmedforsure _

#royharper TT

_ [A photo of Roy Harper carrying his sobriety pin with a text of the quote, ‘It's never too late to change. Start small. Keep doing that small thing. Next thing you know, you've been clean for three years already.] _

 

**Hannah George** _ @hanstergirl _

#royharper showed us that our past mistakes dont need to define us forever. we can become better versions of ourselves.

 

**Mary Angel** _ @maryhsnlttllmb _

When #royharper appeared in public hale and hearty after he disappeared when the whole druggate thing happened, he inspired me to change. If he could do it wo Queen support, I can do it w my family behind me.

_ [An side by side image of a thin woman with gaunt face whose bones protrude her shoulder blades and of the same woman with a healthier complexion and an infant on her arms.] _

 

\---

 

**save the sharks** _ @garthanium _

Is #royharper really dead???? We're trying to contact him but he went radio silent for a week now????

 

**save the sharks** _ @garthanium _

@dicktective @wizardofthewest @princessdondon what is going on????

 

**Dick Grayson** _ @dicktective _

@garthanium its all Fake News. Apparently some washed out gossip page reported that he's dead.

 

**Wally West** _ @wizardofthewest _

@garthanium last I heard he was on a vacay with Lian.

 

**Connor Hawke** _ @thehawkeye _

@garthanium People actually came to accost me to offer condolence. Lol.

 

\---

 

**STAR GOSSIP** _ @thestargossip _

BREAKING NEWS: Oliver Queen (@starsqueen) just released a statement that #RoyHarper is alive and well.

_ [A 20 second video taken from a phone camera of Oliver Queen saying that Roy Harper is alive and well, and that the news of his death is upsetting to the family.] _

 

\---

 

**Janyanya** _ @janchups _

Wait!?!??! Is #royharper dead or alive???? Im confused

 

**Janyanya** _ @janchups _

His social media account is still inactive but his friends and family released statements that he's alive.

 

**Sassy Maisey** _ @maiseycorn _

@janchups he's alive

Retweeted

**Donna Troy** _ @princessdondon _

@garthanium don't worry,  bae is alive and well

_ [Image of Roy Harper, hair now cut short, with his tiny daughter clinging on his neck. He was holding a tabloid from Star City with the headline about his death.] _

 

**Johannes Smith** _ @jojoboons _

Omfg. Where did the whole #royharper is dead thing come from anyway.

 

**Mary Angel** _ @maryhsnlttllmb _

@ilikegreen posted RIP posts about Roy. The whole thing escalated.

 

\---

 

**Todd** _ @ilikegreen _

It has come to my attention that people have thought #RoyHarper was dead for the past few days and it spiralled out of control. And apparently, I was the source.

 

**Todd** _ @ilikegreen _

Fun fact: I never alluded in any of my posts that he was dead nor did anyone else in my feed say anything about that.

 

 **ayyy papi** _@travisjyork_

@ilikegreen im not calling you a liar but

_ [A couple of screenshots from Jason Todd’s Twitter feed with the series of tweets that started it all, tweets from Connor Hawke, Donna Troy, Eddie Bloomberg and others who offered their condolences.] _

 

 **Todd** _@ilikegreen_

@travisjyork first of all, there was never anything in that tweet that said it was about Roy Harper 

 

**Todd** _ @ilikegreen _

WE WERE ALL MOURNING THE LOSS OF AN AMAZING HAMSTER, ROY JR.

_ [A photo of the same hamster in Roy Harper’s palms on the first photo tweeted by Donna Troy.] _

 

**Todd** _ @ilikegreen _

Poor Roy Jr. had to share his name with Roy Harper. But the asshat already named him when we bought him. I wanted to name him after Mr. Darcy.

 

 **Todd** _@ilikegreen_

Since everyone seems to want to know, Roy Jr. was 3 years old and we had him since he was a baby hamster. I got custody of him when I moved out of our place.

 

**Todd** _ @ilikegreen _

He made the dark days seem bright again. He was my light even before my boyfriend came into my life. It was the two of us.

 

**Todd** _ @ilikegreen _

He died so suddenly. He was so healthy one day and then he was sick and died. A tragedy.

 

**Todd** _ @ilikegreen _

So yeah. Roy Harper is alive. Roy Jr. is not and the world is unfair.

 

\---

 

**Roy Harper** _ @yoboyroy _

Thanks to all the kind words from everyone. No, I'm not dead. But all the eulogies certainly warms the heart of a guy.

_ [A photo of Roy Harper grinning at the camera, his background was the Welcome to Star City sign. On his shoulder is Lian, wearing her Hello Kitty sunglasses and pink tutu with a custom made punk leather jacket.] _

 

\---

 

**Ryan Ethan** _ @raybabe _

Mystery Solved on #royharper and @travisjyork should leave the sleuthing to me.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TUMBLR: [Eulphy](http://www.eulphy.tumblr.com)  
> TWITTER: [@_awyn](https://twitter.com/_awyn?s=09)


	17. #goldenwaynelines

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which I look up at incorrect quotes and have fun with them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I picked up gdocs while at work. Shhh.
> 
> also, i don't own the liiiines!!!!!

**Youtube**

[A still image of Cassandra Wayne snorting a laugh. Behind her was a thick yellow filled box with a caption ‘Golden Lines of the Waynes’]

00:00/12:12

**Golden Lines of the Waynes**

_1,642,872 views_ _2.1k likes_ _432 dislikes_

**By lesbianforwayne**

We all love the Waynes. They’re that Reality TV show family that’s more ‘real’ and less ‘TV’. And since I, like every single Gothamites, adore this family and their crazy shenanigans that makes us roll our eyes at Metropolis for their ‘aliens’ and call it normal, I compiled a supercut of my fave Wayne lines through the years that we got from interviews, paps, social media.

**NOW PLAYING**

The video opens with a shot from Duke’s snapchat. Dick is complaining and whining and the best line comes out of his mouth. “I feel ostrich-sized in this house,” he said with a straight face.

“Excuse me, what?” Tim asks.

“You know, like a freaky outsider,” Dick’s lips twitched up. “The way an ostrich feels around regular birds.”

There was a pause before, “Oh, boo!” Stephanie crows.

 

The video cut to another from Stephanie’s instagram story. It centered on Cass saying, “I’m a ninja ballerina,” before doing a pirouette while doing a Chuck Norris-esque nunchucks play.

 

A cut to a video of Dick, Tim, Cass, and Damian with their father for an interview on Gotham News TV. The question was ‘what animal would you be’. The others’ answers were normal, apart from Tim. Without any thinking, he said, “I want to be a caterpillar.”

“Explain,” his sister urges after a second of silence.

“Eat a lot. Sleep a lot. Wake up beautiful.”

There was a snort from the audience and his siblings. His father just facepalmed.

“You do know that they only live for like, a week, right?” Dick snickers.

Tim gives a thumbs up to the camera, “Welcome bonus.”

 

The video cuts to one with Cassandra. It was from an ambush interview and the camera can see Stephanie trying to pull her best friend out of their way. There was a shout asking what her thoughts on gay rights was.

“Gay rights?” Cass paused and dug her heels on the ground, facing the interviewer. “Yes, it’s true.”

“What?”

“As a gay, I am always right.” She dropped that bomb before giving a cheeky wave at the camera. And the whole area went crazy.

 

Cut to a video of Jason Todd from Duke’s snapchat. He was arguing with Tim. Then, Jason stood straighter and made a grand gesture of sweeping his right arm to the side.

“Behold,” he said, “feast thine eyes at the field where upon I grow my fucks. Lay thine eyes upon it, and shalt see that ‘tis barren.”

“What the fuck, Jay!?” Dick could be heard laughing from the background.

The camera zoomed to Tim’s slack jawed expression.

 

“Are girls becoming prettier,” Cass laments as she draped herself over her older brother’s back, “or am I just getting gayer?”

Jason, without a care in the world, flipped a page from the paperback he was reading and answered, “probably both.”

 

A snapchat video with the caption ‘Happy Valentines from Wayne Manor’. In the screen, Damian was making crafts on the table, red colored papers, scissors and glue scattered on top of it.

“Love is a weakness and an evolutionary mistake,” Damian scoffs.

Dick, from out of the camera, said with a clear grin, “You’re currently making a valentines card for your friend, Dami, that’s so cute.”

Damian brandished his scissors at the area Dick is, “How dare you accuse me of such? You now tread a thin layer of ice, Grayson.”

“Awwww,” Dick continues to coo.

 

Another snapchat video with a caption, ‘we know where dami gets it from’.

“Love is a lie we feed our weary souls to keep going,” Bruce Wayne’s voice was low and not quite like the fun dad/uncle Gothamites knew him as. “There is no need to live in this world where we fool ourselves into believing love is real.”

Bruce wasn’t looking at the camera. It was as if he was monologuing without a clue that he was being filmed.

“And--” he was cut off by his phone receiving a message. He unlocked it and said, “nevermind, Selina texted me back, everything’s fine.”

 

“My middle name is ‘danger’,” Tim remarks.

“Your middle name is Jackson,” Stephanie snorts.

“Uh, excuse me, you’re like years late to the party,” he whips up a birth certificate. “I legally changed my name to Timothy Jackson Danger Drake-Wayne.”

 

“Am I passing?” Jason cries out.

“Uh…” Dick refuses to look him in the eyes.

Tim, on the other hand, has no qualms to reply, “Considering you look like Bruce ‘white person™’ Wayne the most out of all of us, and that includes me, actual white person… I have to say yeah.”

“No! I can’t be passing!” He groans. “I’m a proud Latinx.”

“What in the world is a Latinx?” Stephanie Brown chimes from her seat, “is it like a Cuban Kleenex because if so, it is the best kind of Kleenex.”

“Did you just quote ‘One Day at a Time’ to me? At this very moment?”

“I see an opportunity, I grab it.”

 

“I dare you, Timbo!” Stephanie shouts. “It’s a dare, you have to do it.”

“I am not hugging the demon brat!” Tim screams.

“I double-dog dare you,” Cass says quietly.

“No!”

“Do it, Tim,” Jason says, “or you’re straight.”

An outrage gasp came out of the younger male, then he stood straighter and looked as if he swallowed something sour. “Fine,” he said.

 

The video was shaky and from a camera phone. It centered on an argument between two people. Their faces were cut off but the camera caught their mouths. It was an unknown man in a gray hoodie with paint on the sleeves and Jason Todd in his leather jacket.

“Go fuck yourself, asshole!” The unknown man shouted.

“How about you fuck me yourself, you coward!” Jason screams back.

There were muffled laughter from behind the camera as the video shook.

 

The video came from Tim’s snapchat. It was of Bruce Wayne in his fancy suit eating a burger with fork and knife. He was speaking to someone out of frame but the camera caught his words, “If Selina thinks she can just bat her pretty lashes at me and expect me to give her whatever she wants,” a pause, “then she is exactly right.”

 

“Hey!” Dick jumps up, “If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands!” He makes a dramatic gesture towards his siblings.

None of them made a move to clap, simply looked at each other or at Dick. Not even Cass clapped her hands for Dick.

“You guys are depressing, you know that, right?”

“My therapist says I’m getting better,” Bruce says from out of the frame.

\---

**Comment Section**

**HeatherGirls1023** _ 3 days ago _

Sometimes I wonder if the Wayne kids have gone to tumblr and just stole some lines from them tbh.

**34 comments**

**Batbarnanimals** _ 1 day ago _

I swear, this is just a small part of the Wayne shenanigans. They’re like, the Kardashians, if the Kardashians had less plastic ass and more sass, genuinity, and substance.

**riego de jesus** _ 1 day ago _

@Batbarnanimals Please no hates in the good ol’ videos of Waynes. We adore them, but we don’t compare adores to their high standard.

**loonyluna loopylupin** _ 3 days ago _

Me, sees a gif from Tumblr with the Waynes captioned with the lines from above: wow, this is so fake

Me, watches this beautiful compilation: wow, I can’t believe these things actually comes out from these billionaires’ mouth.

**Hannah Nueva** _ 3 days ago _

doctor: you only have 12 minutes and 12 seconds left to live.

me: watches this wonderful video.

\---

**BuzzFeed** _ @BuzzFeed _

Top 10 #goldenwaynelines from the Waynes  [ _ http://bit.ly/2DdHuz4 _ ](http://bit.ly/2DdHuz4)

\---

**Connor Hawke** _ @thehawkeye _

#goldenwaynelines from my own exp w Waynes no vid

Jason: I only have one thing left on my to-do list and its [BF’s name]

**Nora Hanover** _ @northernbear _

@thehawkeye you know @ilikegreen’s bf???? How????

**Nora Hanover** _ @northernbear _

@thehawkeye is it ROY HARPER!?!?! #jayroy

**Connor Hawke** _ @thehawkeye _

@northernbear No

\---

**Conner Kent** _ @theCONman _

one of the many shits timbers has said to me, “I have blood in my coffee stream.” #goldenwaynelines

**Conner Kent** _ @theCONman _

Tim, after I didn’t reply after a couple of hours to his meme: “oh, good of you to remember me finally.” #goldenwaynelines

**Bart Allen** _ @barthematics _

Tim said this to me after I tagged someone else to a meme who wasn’t him or Con “I thought our friendship meant something to you! Apparently NOT!” #goldenwaynelines

**Mara Anne** _ @marniegels _

“Why is @yaboitim like this?” The golden question

\---

**Garfield the Cat** _ @garmeow _

Kori: how did you get dick out of the name Richard?

Dick: you ask nicely *wink*

Me: *barfs* #goldenwaynelines

**Wally West** _ @wizardofthewest _

Dick, age 14, wearing a shitty noir costume: I’m Batnoir for Halloween. He solves mysteries and does more useful things than brooding Batman in Gotham.

Me: please don’t say that, what if he hears.

Dick: Then he should hear this: “BATMAN SUCKS!”

Me: please S T O P #goldenwaynelines #gothamitesaremetalaf

**robinfanatic1029** _ @janefreeman _

@wizardofthewest no gothamite is afraid of the bat. we respect him but also fuck him. #loveyoubats #waynesaresafe #waynebats #stepbats  #weallknowthetruth #onlyingotham

\---

**Stephanie Brown** _ @purpleranger _

Since we’re sharing, here’s my favorite #goldenwaynelines from Dami: “Why should we give chances to people but not to animals? It’s not fair. Animals are better than people anyway.”

**Stephanie Brown** _ @purpleranger _

I’m sorry but Cass has best moments too, “i am a slug and god is salting.” #iblametimforthis #goldenwaynelines

**Stephanie Brown** _@purpleranger_

Bruce is definitely the white™ man: “is $20 enough for one piece of banana? should I give a $50?” #goldenwaynelines

**Valerie** _ @valliegirl _

@purpleranger being bff with Waynes really pays off with the goss

**Stephanie Brown** _ @purpleranger _

@valliegirl i’m golddigging the waynes

**Bruce Wayne** _ @RealBruceWayne _

I’ve tried paying @purpleranger to leave us alone but she ripped my 1M check and flipped me off.

**Barbara Gordon** _ @gingerbarbie _

@purpleranger is an icon and i love my girl

\---

**Roy Harper** _ @yoboyroy _

Jason: I’m going to chug this $200 bottle of cognac in one go.

Me: But why?

Jason: Dick told me no and I have no restraint.

**ayyy papi** _ @travisjyork _

@ilikegreen how are you even alive?

**Todd** _ @ilikegreen _

hell kicked me out and heaven won't accept me

_ Reply to _

_ ayy papi @travisjyork _

@ilikegreen how are you even alive?

**Donna Troy** _ @princessdondon _

Jason, upon first meeting Kyle: what an asshole?

Jason, after a couple hours: I’m gonna marry this boy

**REVIVE HOT DAGA** _ @melangie _

@princessdondon @ilikegreen IS KYLE THE NAME OF UR BF OMFG WE HAVE A NAME!?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TUMBLR: [Eulphy](http://www.eulphy.tumblr.com)  
> TWITTER: [@_awyn](https://twitter.com/_awyn?s=09)


	18. #thankgodforbruce

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which I show my appreciation for Dad Bruce who gets handled by writers well and not by dudebros who overcompensate by trying to GET BRUCE TO BE THIS DICK TO HIS KIDS, BITTER AND LONELY, DARK AND EDGELORD TYPE OF CHARACTER WHICH IS WHY FUCK YOU CURRENT BRUCE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I probs ranted already about current Bruce on the chap summary which is why I dearly apologize. But also, fuck you DC for destroying my dad's happiness and making him into a character who doesn't care about his children, picks favorites, and apparently only adopts white batboys!! Bruce adopted Cass and Duke too, excuse me.
> 
> Just your daily reminder.

**Francine diMartin** _@frandom_

#wehaveaname for jason todds bf but we dont have a face. im very very curious because i shipped jayroy and roy is hot so im expecting kyle to be burning hot.

 **Naomi Lui** _@nanalomi_

#wehaveaname but every single Wayne went radio silent on the issue. I vote we try to be good people and respect their privacy before our entire fuckery make #JasonTodd leave us again.

 **Dianna Frasier** _@nottheshow_

LET’S START #thankgodforbruce AGAIN AND LEAVE JAY BABY AND HIS BF ALONE FOR NOW AAAAAH

 **Dianna Frasier** _@nottheshow_

I’ll start #thankgodforbruce for being the 1% in the 1% - having an actual heart and caring for us poor Gothamites.

 **Dianna Frasier** _@nottheshow_

Also #thankgodforbruce August 16, 2011 when he visited my sister who was hazed in her school for being a lesbian. He financed her whole hospital bill and helped her more than any of us ever did by being the first to accept her with open arms.

 **Dianna Frasier** _@nottheshow_

#thankgodforbruce When my sister died (cancer and not hate crime related) two years ago, we found out that Bruce Wayne still kept contact with her and routinely checked up on her. He was there for her funeral. No other billionaire would do that, fact.

 **Mallory Santino** _@maleficent_

I approve of #thankgodforbruce because we all like to have fun with calling him names and even crowing a lot over his kids but this man opened his arms to orphans and loved them like his own.

 **Janine B. Anderson** _@janabanana_

#thankgodforbruce for that one time I accidentally spilled coffee over his Armani suit and he just laughed it off and bought me new coffee. I have no idea what the heckity heck he was even doing in a Starbucks in the frigging Bowery.

 **Evan Harrison** _@gothamnights_

I approve of all this #thankgodforbruce because Gotham's favorite Uncle Bruce Wayne deserves all the thanks.

 **Julian Ho** _@jujubear_

#thankgodforbruce when he sued that one magazine that decided to appropriate Chinese culture and how he studied on the culture enough to know it was wrong for his daughter

\---

 **Dick Grayson** _@dicktective_

#thankgodforbruce for saving me from darkness everytime I fall. Love you.

 **Timbo Drake** _@yaboitim_

Just wanna say #thankgodforbruce because he cares enough about me to spike my coffee with sleeping pills. I hated that btw.

\---

 **Vincent Croft** _@realvincentcroft_

#thankgodforbruce for being there for ALL LGBT+ kids and being ready to fight the parents who try to throw em out or something.

 **Celine Ross** _@goddessselene_

I love Bruce Wayne not because he’s hot but because when we first met at one of those gala, everyone was all about me being a model bimbo and I couldn’t really say anything about rich old white men perving on me because I would lose my job 1/3

 **Celine Ross** _@goddessselene_

Everyone saw it but no one did a thing. It was Bruce Wayne who saw how uncomfortable I was and pretty much did the rich people version of destroying someone’s social life by banning him to any Wayne property (Gotham-speak, Gotham as a whole buddy). 2/3

 **Celine Ross** _@goddessselene_

He asked me if I was okay, apologized for the behavior of the old man as if it was his fucking fault which is NO, Bruce Wayne, it’s not your fault that man was just like any other perv except he was rich. I never forgot that day. So #thankgodforbruce for drinking your respect women juice.

\---

 **Stephanie Brown** _@purpleranger_

#thankgodforbruce because when he dies I'm keeping his Laz-e boy.

 **Barbara Gordon** _@gingerbarbie_

#thankgodforbruce for following and always updated on the ADA standards.

\---

 **Kyle** _@goddessbastet_

#thankgodforbruce for the night {emoji:catwinkyface} {emoji:eggplant}

 **Dick Grayson** _@dicktective_

@godessbastet Ew that’s our dad

 **Todd** _@ilikegreen_

@goddessbastet @dicktective double eww cuz ur my other mom yuuuck.

\---

 **Gotham Gazette** _@gothamgazette_

Gotham’s own Bruce Wayne trends with #thankgodforbruce that highlights our city’s favorite boy turned dad and what he did for all of us. Share your Bruce Wayne story in this thread.

 **Marmi Lloyd** _@marmalloyd_

#thankgodforbruce BECAUSE HE BROUGHT BACK MY FAITH ON THE RICH PEOPLE ACTUALLY CARING ABOUT US POOR FOLKS UHUHU

 **Marmi Lloyd** _@marmalloyd_

So yeah. FUCK YOU METROPOLITAN YOU MAY HAVE A SUPERMAN BUT YOU ALSO SPAWNED LEX LUTHOR AND WE WERE BLESSED WITH GOOD DAD BRUCE AND BATS SO YESSSS

 **Honey Jones** _@hunnyjon_

#thankgodforbruce for sponsoring bats’ crusade

 **Keith Clain** _@skittleboy_

@hunnyjon Shhhh that’s a secret {emoji:wackylaughing}

\---

 **Barbara Gordon** _@gingerbarbie_

@ilikegreen say your #thankgodforbruce

 **Todd** _@ilikegreen_

@gingerbarbie #never

\---

 **QUEEN OF NINE NINE** _@marivicotse_

I LOVE THIS #thankgodforbruce WE ARE SPREADING BECAUSE YESSSSS WORLD APPRECIATE OUR GOTHAM DAD AAAAH

 **Brandon Wyatt** _@bryatt_

This #thankgodforbruce seems fake because wtf is with this firsthand accts of Wayne. I live in Metropolis since forever and I don't think Luthor interacted w public except for evil reasons

 **Jimmy Olsen** _@jimolsen_

@bryatt If Luthor interacted with the public wo bodyguards we'll take turns giving that asshat what he deserves. {emoji:middlefinger}

\---

 **Hal Jordan** _@haljo_

why the heck is #thankgodforbruce trending when wayne's an absolute asshole

 **fuck tumblr colors** _@antoinette15_

@haljo COME HERE AND SAY THAT TO OUR FACES

 **Hal Jordan** _@haljo_

@antoinette15 challenge accepted

_[Video description: the frame was as a selfie with Hal Jordan wearing shades and saying, “Bruce Wayne's an asshole.”]_

**Johnny Von Rig** _@gothamjvr_

@haljo You're just another hater who feels brave cuz its social media. You can't do it in front of Bruce Wayne himself. Also, fuck you.

 **Hal Jordan** _@haljo_

@gothamjvr i know no fear video credit: @yaboitim

_[Video description: Bruce Wayne along with his children were in the dining room. Bruce berated Tim for having his phone out during breakfast but before he could continue the Wayen butler came to announce a visitor._

_“Oh? Who is it, Alfred?” His face then twisted into an unpleasant grimace when Hal Jordan comes in, standing out of the pristine room with his leathet jacket and ripped jeans._

_“Bruce-y, my man,” He said._

_“Jordan,” his voice fell low._

_“I just came here to tell you you're an asshole.”_

_There was a pause before the children roared in laughter apart from Damian Wayne who shouted defense of his part along with a, “How dare you speak to my father in such a way, cretin?”_

_Bruce breathed deeply to his nose. Then a groan came from behind Hal Jordan. A young man with dark hair wearing a Wonder Woman printed t-shirt that was a tad bigger than him and pajama pants._

_“I tried to stop him,” he said. “I just want that on record. I. Tried.”_

_The video cut to the sound of the Wayne children's continuous laughter.]_

**Louisa Cullen** _@notavamp_

@haljo WHAT THE FUCK BUT ALSO HOW THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW BRUCE WAYNE AAAAAAH

 **Hal Jordan** _@haljo_

@notavamp work

 **im not white** _@klrnr_

For the record -- I did try to stop him from entering.

 **Eddie Bloomberg** _@theedsters_

@klrnr why would you even stop this magic from happening. @haljo you are now my new hero omfg.

 **Connor Hawke** _@thehawkeye_

@klrnr R I P

 **Hal Jordan** _@haljo_

@klrnr R I P you

 **im not white** _@klrnr_

@haljo I’m telling Carol abt this. You really can’t go out without supervision. Ugh.

 **Hal Jordan** _@haljo_

@klrnr R I P me

_[photo description: The no fear and one fear meme with Hal Jordan’s face on the man wearing the No Fear t-shirt and the next panel has one with im not white’s profile photo wearing a shirt that says ‘I’ll tell Carol’. The next panel has Hal’s shirt saying One fear.]_


End file.
